Give People the Same Energy They Give You

Stop accepting bread crumbs from people while giving them endless amounts of your time, patience, and energy. You are human, and humans have limits. Moreso, you deserve better than what you’re getting back in terms of reciprocity.

Imagine giving someone an entire Subway sandwich, but when you’re hungry they give you crumbs. You’re okay with that because at least they gave you something. You expect yourself to always be giving and altruistic, but it’s perfectly fine (or not fine) for others to give you almost nothing in return. Stop doing that to yourself. You deserve better.

Start managing your expectations. I don’t mean standards. I mean expectations of people. Standards are like boundaries. They’re the things you don’t budge on. Expectations are more flexible. If you are a person who goes out of their way for people on instinct, you need to learn to adjust according to what you are given in return. It seems petty, and at times it will be. But it’s also being fair to yourself. If you don’t know how to be fair to yourself, how can you truly be fair to anyone else?

Any relationship requires a healthy balance of energy. A one-sided friendship, for example, isn’t really much of a friendship at all. You make all the plans, you plan the birthday parties, buy the presents, listen to them when they’re down, help them move, etc.

Do they do any of these things for you? If not, you need to change your expectations. Instead of doing all of the above, you should only do what your friend reciprocates. Nothing more.

That is now what you expect out of YOURSELF when it comes to that person. If that becomes an issue, then state why you’ve changed your behavior to match theirs. By stating it, you’ve expressed the expectation you have of THEM and the ball is in their court to figure out what they expect from the friendship. It should ALWAYS be fair.

The friend may decide not to meet your expectations, and that’s fine. That’s where compromise comes in. You have to decide if the compromise is worth keeping the friendship.

That’s where your standards/boundaries come in, the things you’re not willing to budge on. They should always be realistic. If it all works out, then great! If not, it’s not your fault. You still did the right thing. This can also be applied to marriages and long-term/short-term relationships.

Stop allowing yourself to be walked all over by people. Stop accepting bread crumbs when you’re worth an entire buffet. Know your worth and demand to be treated fairly especially now in the social media age. You have to stand your ground.

Remember that, no matter what, you are enough.

11 Effective Ways to Conquer Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem is a lifelong struggle for most of us. As someone who has had a longstanding battle with a negative self image, I get it. There are days when I just don’t feel pretty no matter what I do.

And believe me I put in the effort. I get up in the morning and do my best like many people do. I get enough sleep. I eat breakfast. I work out (sometimes). I put hundreds of sticky notes on my mirror telling me how awesome I am. I even try to read each one every single day.

Yet, try as I might, it never feels like it’s enough some days.

So the question remains. Is there such a thing as “life after low self-esteem?”

The short answer is: absolutely. However, it’s not going to be an easy journey. Luckily for you, there’s a few tips below to help you get started.

Stop the Comparisons

Your value as a person isn’t measurable. In fact, it’s immeasurable. That means it’s time to stop with the comparisons. Someone has a nicer car? House? Job? So what? Material things can be gone in an instant. At the end of the day, all you have is yourself. You and your unique life are more valuable than any material possession.

Avoid Social Media

Look, social media is designed to make you feel inadequate. You log on every day just to figure out a way to get “likes” or whatever popularity currency is being used at the time. How many likes you have seemingly determines how funny, smart, or likable you are. But here’s the thing. Such a system doesn’t exist in the real world. So leave it on social media where it belongs and avoid it.

Don’t Assume People Will Hate You

How many of you have struggled with this? You avoid socializing because you assume you’ll be hated the moment people look at you. Seems a little unfair though, right? Think of it this way. What kind of person would go out of their way to hate someone they don’t even know? It definitely sounds like a personal problem, doesn’t it? It just isn’t yours. Not everyone will have a problem with you. Give people the same chance you’d want them to give you.

Social Skills Are Just That: A Skill

There tends to be a stigma towards socially awkward people. People even go so far as to treat it like some sort of disease. Luckily for you, it’s not. In fact, with practice, anyone can overcome it. I know most of you hate the dreaded act of small talk. However, it’s a useful skill to develop when interacting with new people. Over time, it’ll become so second nature you won’t even realize you’re doing it.

Embarrassment is a Choice

I don’t care how poised of a person you are. We all goof up sometimes. Whether it’s tripping and falling in public or having a booger in your nose, life happens. However, you can choose what you’re embarrassed about. Everyone trips, and everyone at some point doesn’t realize they have a gigantic booger in their nose. So really, what’s the big deal? Blow your nose, pick yourself up off the ground, and keep it pushing. Learn to laugh at yourself, too.

What You Think Isn’t Always Reality

You walked into a store and felt like everyone was staring at you. Their eyes burned into your skin, and it seemed like they were judging you and deeming you unworthy. You ran out of the store and vowed to never return. Remember what I said earlier? People who decide to dislike you at first sight have problems of their own. Let them deal with that and remember this. It is not the event that destroys us. It is our interpretation. Those people simply could have been looking to see who was entering out of curiosity and nothing more. By the time you walk past them, they most likely won’t remember or think anything else of your presence.

Counseling Isn’t an Admission of Failure

Low self-esteem can often lead to bouts of depression. Seeking help doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a person or that something is wrong with you. Just as we all get sick physically, we also get sick mentally. Just like some treatments require physical therapy to regain strength, the brain also needs counseling. Catching a cold doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a person, right? The same is true of any mental illness.

Passive-Aggressiveness Solves Little

Part of overcoming low self-esteem is learning how to communicate your feelings. Often, people with a negative self-image can resort to passive-aggressive behavior instead of being assertive. Have you ever given someone the silent treatment when they’ve made you upset? Did giving them the silent treatment really solve anything or simply delay the inevitable conversation where you revealed what you were upset about? By being assertive and calmly expressing your frustration at the beginning, the issue could have been quickly neutralized. Passive-aggressiveness doesn’t give you peace of mind. It simply drags on issues for much longer than necessary.

It’s Time to Set Boundaries

It’s time to stop being a “people pleaser.” If something makes you uncomfortable, it’s okay to say so. Each one of us has limits, both physically and mentally. Setting boundaries is one of the several pillars that hold up your overall well-being. Because, how can you be fair to anyone else if you’re not fair to yourself?

Letting Go is a Skill Too

Often we can get attached to the wrong thing. We can get involved in abusive relationships or one-sided friendships. We find it hard to let go of these relationships because, subconsciously, we feel we deserve to be in them. It can take time to develop a mindset where we truly recognize these relationships as what they are: toxic. Again, this isn’t something that’s learned overnight. It takes time and effort just like everything else on this list.

You’ve Already Accomplished Enough

Recently, I spoke to my classmates from high school. Many of them expressed how they felt like they hadn’t done enough or weren’t “successful enough.” I reassured them that as long as they were living and breathing that they were accomplishing more than what anyone could ask of them. No matter where you are in life, your very existence is an automatic success story. You are enough, were always enough, and always will be enough.

 

I hope this list helped you. As someone who used to struggle deeply with self-image, it took a long time to develop the self-awareness needed to fight back against my depression and low self-esteem. And I don’t always get it right each time.

Listen, you’re still going to have your days where you feel like utter crap. But guess what? Everybody feels that way from time to time. Yes, you are a unique, special person. But you’re also not alone in your fight. So join me and everyone like us as we beat low self-esteem into submission.

9 OkCupid Users Tell Their Dating Horror Stories

 

I think we can all agree dating apps suck. Yes, they’re user-friendly and simple to navigate, but they’re also full of strange, mentally-deranged people. You can log onto an app right now and see that same weirdo who’s ALWAYS online. Go do it right now, then come back.

See what I mean? OkCupid users posted on Reddit about their awful dating experiences, and they’re honestly pretty depressing. Want to see for yourself? Go ahead. You’ll feel much better afterward. Tuck into their stories below.

“There are Still Guys Like This?”

We went to go see a movie. It was awkward for a first date and we couldn’t talk. He invited me over to his place. He had mentioned when texting that he had roommates. So, we get to his house and his “roommates” are his parents. He introduced me to them as his friend, it was awkward. Well then we went upstairs to his room. We sat on his couch and started watching tv. Mind you he hasn’t made any moves, we haven’t even held hands yet. I laid next to him and snuggled up and we were watching tv for about an hour when all the sudden I feel his hand going down my pants. I grabbed it and pushed it up and then I said that I had to leave. On my way driving back from my house I got a text message that said he doesn’t think we should talk anymore because I don’t seem like his type.

“Did You Mention That Saying About the Boat and the Ocean?”

I made a thread about this kind of recently, but I still feel shitty about it so I don’t care.

Going on first date ever, things seem to be going well, girl seems really sweet, invites me back to her place, clothes start coming off, she laughs at my penis and makes snide remarks at me. Later messages at least one woman in my area talking negatively about my anatomy who then messages me to warn me that some crazy chick messaged her about me.

“I Honestly Want to Hug This Guy”

It was a first date. And it was my fault. Oh god, looking back I just cringe.

I was 19 at the time, my first REAL relationship of first love had ended. It was about two months after the breakup…which wasn’t enough time. And my dad had died about 8 months prior to the date. It was suicide. We got along pretty well, but the conversation drifted from one topic to the next during dinner. And what were the two fucking topics I decided to talk about? My most recent first love and my dad killing himself. I was too stupid to realize how uncomfortable she was. But I can picture it in my head and how much she wanted to leave. But I had given her a ride there.

It was Match.com and that was our only date.

“Who Wants That Perfect Love Story Anywaaaaaay?”

93% match, we meet for drinks. Things are going swimmingly until the date is wrappibg up and she starts talking some shit about a family member. Its hard to explain what she said because I was too distracted by what happened next:

When she gives her credit card to the bartender (splitting the bill, I was paying cash for mine) she murmurs to me, “That card’s not gonna work.”

“How come?”

Right on cue, bartender comes back. “Sorry, but this card expired eight months ago.”

She tries two more cards, both of which fail. “I’m gonna make a run for it,” she says.

Now, while I am not a regular, I visit this place occasionally. I have also worked in bars so I know this is a horrible thing to do. So before she cam bolt, I pay her tab.

She thanks me by running outside and across the street to her car and makes the fsdtest getaway ever.

There was no second date.

“FetLife is a Fetish Website FYI”

First ten minutes he told me about his fetlife profile and the chains attached to his ceiling. Fun! Then he had an anxiety attack in the middle of E 14th St. and proceeded to throw up into a trashbin for ten minutes while I stared at cabs go by.

“Puts the Catfish TV Show to Shame”

Bwahahaha which one?

The oddest was when she showed up being 7 months pregnant. Nothing about it on her profile. No pictures, no questions, no sidebar, nuttin’.

“We All Have a Friend Like This”

Nothing to horrible.

One guy wanted to meet at like 1am and there was nothing open. It was late summer. We went to Laurelhurst park to share a bottle of wine and I drank most of it while he rambled about being an ex-Christian. He asked if he could kiss me and drunk on a bottle of wine I shrugged. He kissed me and immediately after I tossed a ton of cookies into the lake. I just lurched off the bench and heaved into the pond and then rolled over into a little ball of drunken misery. Dude drove me home and shook me awake (how I didn’t end up dead IDK) and I stumbled into the door promptly slamming it in his face with a mumbled, ‘thanks’. I also think I cried drunkenly about my ex who dumped me that night over the great banana peel in the wrong trash can incident.

Anyhow, drunk lake guy texted me for a 2nd date. I did not reply. About 2 years or 1.5 years after I get a text. It’s drunk lake guy. He wants to hook up. I was like “wtf dude???”

“I Mean…If Co-Dependency Is Your Thing”

I had one where the guy showed up and announced that he hadn’t slept in 36 hours because his wife usually tells him when to go to bed and since they split she’s refusing to remind him even though they still live in the same house.

Um. Yah. No thanks.

“At Least She Tried”

the time a guy showed up for a museum date, walked inside with me, and proceeded to have a panic attack. he claimed he had worked out so hard at the gym and that’s why he was nauseous/couldn’t breathe. i’m nurturing by nature so i stuck around way too long – i ended up buying him some food and awkwardly trying to soothe him in front of the museum, but eventually i decided he was clearly too socially crippled to bother. i think i lasted like an hour.

How unfortunate. If you thought that was bad, think again. My dating life is even worse. In fact, my OkCupid date will put every story on this list to shame. Don’t believe me? Read my e-book titled My Horrible Gay Dating Life and see for yourself.

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Aaron Carter Confirms Bisexuality

 

This has been quite the year for Aaron Carter, bisexual implications aside. After a harrowing journey to overcome his drug addiction, the “I Want Candy” singer is ready to fully embrace his sexuality.

Speaking to Jeffrey Masters about his change of heart after initially only planning to date women, Carter revealed:

“I definitely embrace my bisexuality and, you know, it’s still new to me. Who knows what the future has to bring.Whether it’s a relationship with a guy…I’m single, and I look forward to what the future has to bring when it comes to a good relationship.”

Most of you will recall how Aaron Carter snatched us from our seats with that tweet. At first, he told TMZ that he had no interest in women. Isn’t it funny how things change so quickly? Oh, and about that tweet. Here’s what he said initially:

Don’t expect proto-Bieber to fly out of the gates with his new boyfriend any time soon though. When Jeffrey Masters asked if he still had misgivings about dating a man, Aaron said:

“No, I don’t feel like that. I don’t know, I’m still confused about it. About bisexuality…I don’t know, I’m single right now. I don’t know what’s gonna come my way.”

And how will these revelations shape his upcoming music? Well, he’s still figuring that part out.

“It’s something that I’ve already thought about for the album after this one. It’s already been thought through.”

Aaron, honey, if you need some help, I know a rapper who recently revealed he uses Grindr. I’m just saying. Birds of a feather, my dear.

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Eminem Admits to Using Grindr

 

Is Eminem gay? I know, what a tabloid-y question. But according to Slim Shady himself, he may be playing both sides of the fence. Interesting.

In a recent interview with Vulture magazine, the “Lose Yourself” rapper was asked about his dating life, and his response was…well…unexpected.

When asked if he dates anyone, he responded:

“It’s tough. Since my divorce I’ve had a few dates and nothing’s panned out in a way that I wanted to make it public. Dating’s just not where I’m at lately.”

Of course, it get more interesting from there. Here’s a direct pull from the actual interview:

Interviewer: “When you were dating, how’d you meet people? Tinder?”
Eminem: “I mean, yeah.”

Interviewer: “Are you being serious?”
Eminem: “Yeah, Tinder.”

Interviewer: “Really?”
Eminem: “[Laughs] And Grindr. I also used to go to strip clubs.”

He also professed his love of going to strip clubs, telling the interviewer, “What can I say? Going to strip clubs is how I was meeting some chicks. It was an interesting time for me.”

So there you have it. Eminem just casually admitted to using a gay hookup app. Yes, the same rapper who at one time was infamous for his love of homophobic slurs. But you know what they say. The ones who constantly use the slurs are the ones who like to…you know what? Never mind. I’ll just leave it at that for now. I’m still in shock.

Of course, this is Eminem we’re talking about. I’m sure he’ll either deny or say it was all a joke by the time I finish typing this article out.

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13 Gay Men Tell Their Grindr Horror Stories

 

Grindr can be quite the cesspool at times. I’m shivering at the mere mention of “cesspool.” It just has a slimy, disgusting feel to it. Of course, none of that compares to some of the Grindr horror stories a few gay men shared on Reddit.

From silver daddy stalkers to men who answer the door wearing a diaper, there’s a lot to digest. And by “digest,” I mean figuratively digest. Don’t expect to have much of an appetite reading some of these, and definitely don’t read the stories while you’re eating. You love yourself, don’t you? Of course you do.

So let’s get right to it! Tuck in below as 13 gay men tell their Grindr horror stories. Still think you’ve got it bad out there?

***WARNING. SOME OF THE STORIES BELOW CONTAIN GRAPHIC LANGUAGE THAT MAY BE INAPPROPRIATE FOR YOUNGER READERS. USE DISCRETION WHEN SCROLLING DOWN***

“Guy Had a Long Day?”

Had a guy headed over.

Super hot. Like. Super fucking hot.

Fell asleep. FML.

“Maybe It Was for the Best”

Mine’s pretty mild.

I went out to meet a hookup at a terminal subway stop. I get in his pickup and we start to chat. He gets belligerent all of a sudden and starts complaining about meeting me and how I looked. He said this ain’t going to work. So, I said ok and left.

Mind you, I have an accurate pic and stats on my apps and he did agreed to time and place.

I really wasn’t pissed about me not working for him, but he was such an asshole about it.

“Sweet Sixteen?”

I don’t use hook ups, but I know many people who do. One is a big burly bear, he went looking to get with a cub one night and got in touch with this guy. He said he was 26 and was like 6’2″ and 220 pounds with a full beard and stash. Said he wanted to meet up at a park and go to his house since he wasn’t comfortable going straight to someone else’s house. So he went and met him at a park and as they started walking away it turns out the kids mom found out what he was doing some how and ran up and started yelling at the kid and dragged him away back home. Turned out he was only 16.

“He’s a Silver Fox…and a Stalker”

Well it’s not as bad as some of you guys (I’m so sorry that happened to you all btw) but in my early 20’s I was going through a silver daddy phase through grindr. I have several bad stories but I’ll go with my worst. I had my email on my profile at the time (Idk why but this is important for later) and I contact this guy in his 60’s and he was actually really nice… at the beginning. Well we hook up once and everything went fine but the second time we meet up he tells me many things. Like that he went through my FB, youtube accounts, school history and better yet he actually knew who I was before we hooked up. He used to be my grandmother’s manager and knew me and held me when I was a baby. I freak out and try leave and he grabs me and tells me not to leave that “we were meant to be” that he wants to be a part of my life. He wouldn’t let me leave until he “had a talk” with me and I was legit scared so I decided if I just listen maybe I can leave peacefully. I kind of disconnected from reality and to this day I don’t remember what all he said. The next thing I remember was I got in my car and drove away. After that I obviously never talked to him again but every now and then I would find notes left on my car around town and at work. Thankfully I went to college next year and never had to deal with it again.

“I Mean…Who Does That?”

Hooked up with a guy at my place. He said he wanted to fuck me. Then when he arrived we started screwing around and instead of going for my ass he just rubbed against my crotch until he shot his load.

Disappointing but whatever.

Then just as he was about to leave he started demanding money from me “or else” and refused to leave. I think he was expecting me to be some weedy queen about it, but instead I basically physically threw him out the door.

Could have been a lot worse but pretty scary at the time.

“This Guy Sounds Awfully Familiar…”

Wasn’t on Grindr, it was on grommr. Guy hit me up, we talked, I went over. When I got there he was wearing a diaper and had a pacifier in his mouth. Instantly felt creepy, had to leave. Deleted the app after that.

“He Was Going Through It”

A guy around my age used old photos and looked very different. I think he might have been depressed and had sort of stopped taking care of himself and his apartment. He was still handsome, just not in the same way he was in his photos. I told him beforehand I only wanted to hook up but he really wanted to cuddle. He made very intense eye contact and kind of made me uncomfortable, and by the time we started to fool around a bit, I wasn’t feeling it any more. I told him I wasn’t feeling well and after I left he sent me a message telling me how sweet I was and he couldn’t wait to see my again, and I felt really terrible but it was not what I was expecting at all.

“Yeah, You’re Grounded”

nearly got thrown off a cliff when I was 16 because I wouldn’t suck his dick lol.
Pro Tip~; don’t meet dudes near cliffs.

“Lost My Appetite”

had my second grindr hookup where i didnt come and was mad so later that night i found another hookup on some petty shit.

we hooked up in the parking lot of my old elementary school and everything was going alright until i went to suck his dick and he smelled so bad like a dirty cookout uncle. i wanted to gag i left and went home and stuck a bar of soap in my mouth

“You’re Somebody’s Hero…I Guess…”

I drunkenly hooked up with a lonely obese 70 year old man in the park on night off grindr. He was really lonely and i think he mostly just wanted company so we talked for a couple hours on the beach before he sucked me off. I tried going down on him but turns out he had ed. Not my proudest moment.

“This Happens Way Too Often”

Guy messages me while I am on my way over to his house that we had to be kinda quick because his girlfriend was going to be home from work soon. I refuse to knowingly help someone cheat, especially some closet-case.

I just told him I forgot I had to work on a project/presentation and turned around to go home.

“He Wasn’t Buying It”

Met a guy who looked like a crystal meth user…just a guess, not totally sure what a crystal meth user looks like, but this guy was sickly skinny…

I told him he was too intimidating looking for me, LOL(no idea why I said that….) and I was just not into it…

He was literally, “dude, you are fucking built like a brick shit house and look like you could break me in half….”

I apologized and told him thanks, but no thanks, and bailed. LOL, my motto is if its iffy, decline.

“Don’t Worry. They’ll Find You Eventually”

Making a profile and not being contacted by a single guy. Lol

Chawl…that was too much! But we’re not done, and I know you crave more crazy stories. If that wasn’t enough entertainment for you, you can also read all about my horrible dating misadventures in my new e-book, My Horrible Gay Dating Life. Diaper Boy from earlier makes an appearance.

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11 Gay Men Tell Their Horrible Gay Dating Stories

 

 

Look, dating is hard for everybody, especially gay guys. There aren’t very many of us to begin with (contrary to popular belief), and we’re notoriously picky. Not only that, some of us can be just plain weird at times.

We’ve all had a horrible dating experience, but these Reddit users and their stories take the cake. From witches summoning dragons to cause earthquakes to crazy sweater-stealing exes, there’s plenty of gay dating horror stories to get into below. Are you ready to feel better about your dating situation?

“Didn’t Know What Hermes Was”

The guy was wearing an Hermes belt, the one with the big H on it. At the time I knew nothing about fashion or what Hermes was, so I asked what the H stood for. He scoffed at that, said “I don’t think this is going to work out” and then straight up left.

He was right though, it probably wasn’t going to ever work out.

“He Wasn’t a Fan of Mutants”

Back during the dark ages of online dating – here I am thinking gay.com – I met up with a guy to spend some time in my town. We went downtown, to the mall, and I suggested a movie. We glanced into the the theater. I saw this one listing … called “Hills”. Turns out, it was The Hills Have Eyes.

The nuclear mutants eating people did not bother me so much. Until they started eating the baby while violating the mother and the daughter simultaneously. I became lightheaded, and recognized that I was about to pass out from the sudden anxiety and adrenaline. I had to sit Indian style in the hallway, breathe deeply, and I broke out in a cold sweat. The manager inquried if I was okay, I said it was just nerves and it would eventually pass. They took pity on me, giving me a free ticket. My date took pity on me, consoling me and asking me if I was ok (mind you I am like 6’2” football player , he was like 5’10”).

Needless to say, I was humiliated. The moral of the story? Dunno. I still got laid.

“Third Wheel, Much?”

About 8 years ago I met a guy online. We decided to meet for lunch. He brought a female friend and proceeded to spend the date talking to her and practically ignoring me. She seemed as uncomfortable as me. Very strange.

“Things Escalated Quickly”

A girl in my apartment building set me up on a date with one of her coworkers. We met up for drinks and about 5 minutes in he told me he invited a couple friends friends. Over the next half hour about a dozen people joined our group and the guy spent the night hanging out with them.

“Who Pays For Grindr?”

He asked me out, we went to grab some drinks. Then while we were talking, he busted out his iPad and played some games and occasionally chatting with someone else on Grindr (we also met on Grindr). For some retarded reason, he proudly told me that he was paying for Grindr Xtra on both his phone and his iPad. Wat. When I said I’m tired and should go home, he then offered to go back to his place 5 minutes away, to “cuddle.” Nope.

“Speaking of Grindr Though”

Met a guy on Grindr that looked pretty hot. The way that he was messaging me seemed really odd, like it was a thirteen year old kid writing them. I figured what the hell, we’ll see what happens. I met him at a bar pretty close to my place. Right from the beginning it was one of the most confusing interactions that I’ve had with another human being. Within the first few minutes he went on this whole political rant, and then halfway through it asked if he had a point. I didn’t. So after he realized that crashed and burned, he asked me if I liked amusement parks. I had no idea how to respond to the question, because we were two guys in our mid-twenties, at a dive bar, drinking cheap beer. I was so confused. I think after that he asked if I like roller coasters, fried food, and living in Seattle. He then went on to explain to me that every four years he decides to move to a new city to try and change things up. He did this by choosing two random cities on a list, flipping a coin between the two, and then moving to said city. After a while of talking to him I was struggling to keep up conversation, so I made up some excuse and left after my first beer. To this day I don’t know if I was on some hidden camera show.

“Would You Watch a Show Called Military Husbands?

Well, he wasn’t actually single, he had a boyfriend, but he was deployed to Iraq. I’ve heard the stereotypes about military wives, but apparently it applies to military boyfriends too.

edit: He didn’t tell me about the boyfriend until dinner. Mentioned it very casually like it was NBD that he lied about being single.

“Was It Worth It, Though?”

Guy got so drunk he passed out in my car and couldn’t tell me where he lived so i could take him home. He woke up every 20 minutes or so to tell me which direction to turn, and then once to puke everywhere.

He gave good head though..

“Guy Obviously Has More Going On Than Butt Problems”

I met a guy at Caribou Coffee. It was his idea to grab coffee. Well, I get there, and he messaged me to let me know that he was going to be a little late. So, he showed up a half hour late. I already had my coffee. I asked him if he wanted anything, and he said, “I don’t like coffee.” So, I said he could get tea or something else. He refused. So, we started to just chat. He wouldn’t stop complaining about how loud the machines were there. But, worst of all, he told me that he couldn’t stay too long because sitting too long would bother his cyst. Yes, that’s right, he started talking about a cyst on his butt (This was our first and last date). He didn’t stop with just the mention of it. He continued to talk about it. He told me what kind it was (I can’t recall the name) and explained that it is the result of an ingrown hair developing to a cyst and that these are common in men who sit a lot. I have not had anyone top this one.

“Just Gonna Pull the Psychosis Card On This One”

I met a guy on OkCupid once, his profile seemed okay, so I agreed to meet him for dinner and movie. We both get to the movie about thirty-minutes early, so we decided to walk around the plaza and get to know each other a little better. We were making small talk when he suddenly tells me ‘I’m a wizard.’ I don’t much of it, I tell him I have some friends who are Wiccan and I’m cool with it, but then he goes on to tell me that he’s a real wizard and can control people minds and control fire and stuff like that.

At that point I was torn, part of me wanted to just call it a night and go home, but the other part of me really wanted to see the movie, so I decided to stay and see what happened. After that movie, it turns out that his idea of dinner was Burger Kind drive-thru, and since he didn’t have a car I had to get the food and then drive him home. As I’m driving him home, I start to realize that the way I’m taking looked really familiar. I finally realized that he lived in the same apartment that a good friend of mine did, we used to work together and I’d drive him home on nights that it was too cold to bike in, but all of a sudden he dropped all communication with me one year in February and stopped coming into work.

I asked to guy if he knew my old friend, who then laughed and said that they used to be roommates, until he got tired of him and decided to kick him out…by tossing all his stuff into the parking lot while he was at work one day. At that point I got really angry and kicked him out of my car, I remembered my friend told me that his family lived on the West Coast and wasn’t too happy with him, so now I have no clue where he went to.

After about a week or so we had a slight earthquake in town, which was kinda weird since I can’t ever remember having an earthquake in West Virginia, but later that day the douchebag texted me saying that the earthquake was caused by a dragon living under the city. I replied back with a ‘fuck you’ and never heard from him again.

“Play It Safe, Guys”

Okie doke, so I had recently stopped seeing this guy and decided to get back on the horse right away. I made an OKCupid and got a couple of hits over a few days. I do not photograph well and it is very rare that I like photos of me, but there was this one in particular of me and the ex that is just super flattering of me, so I put that one up too. This one cute guy in particular messaged me multiple times and was really interested in meeting up with me. He was really nice and we had some mutual Facebook friends, and he worked close to my apartment, so I invited him over for dinner and a movie.

So he comes over and is really nice and still seems super interested and is asking a bunch of questions about me and my past and eventually we get on the subject of our past boyfriends. That’s when it starts to get a llittle weird. At that point the movie was playing, but there was pretty much no attention being paid to it. It started out as a few innocent questions here and there and pretty soon I found out that my ex was his ex also and I actually thought it was really funny. At one point I even pulled out one of his favorite sweaters that he left at my place and it was confirmed.

I didn’t really care, but then it turned into a full on interview on when we met, what we did, when we did it, how fast it progressed, what the emotional connection was, if I ever met his family, if he ever met mine, how often he had been in my apartment. Every single question had something to do with this guy and it was not even subtle like it had been in the beginning. At that point it was super uncomfortable, but I had already told him that he could sleep over (spare bedroom) since he worked in the morning also AND he had been drinking and smoking so I wasn’t going to put him out even though I totally should have.

Next morning I woke up to find him and the sweater gone. Blocked on OKCupid, blocked on Facebook. Never heard from him again. I later found out from a mutual “friend” that our ex started seeing me when he was still with him, and that I was at fault for their relationship ending. So I’m just lucky I did not get stabbed. Worst date ever.

Yikes, right?And if you thought these stories were bad, think again. My dating life was even worse. Don’t believe me? Check out my new e-book My Horrible Gay Dating Life and find out for yourself. Don’t worry. It won’t take long for you to feel much better about your romantic history.

 

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What Are Black Women Supposed to Look Like?

I will never fully identify with the struggle of what black women have to deal with no matter how many superficial things we have in common. Yes, feminine black gay men and heterosexual women love to shop, get our nails done, talk about boys, the list goes on. However, I do such things out of pure, unnecessary vanity. Every day, black women endure a painstakingly meticulous metamorphosis into their best-looking selves out of survival.

Heterosexual men often dictate what is considered “appropriate” when it comes to how women dress and style themselves. However, there always seems to be a few archetypes that these men seem to be drawn to. Some of us know her as the big-breasted, blonde, blue-eyed princess who likes playing video games and not asking men where they’ve been all night. Others know her as the bronze skin, exotic-looking enchantress who can wash her face 25 times a day and still look like an Instagram model. It’s usually never the afro-wearing, full-lipped (natural, I might add), chocolateer who dares to give up setting her scalp on fire to look less threatening to the masses.

One could say the standard of beauty is being chopped and screwed as people realize the difference between objectivity and subjectivity. However, with black women, there remains a constant hovering force that is always waiting to tell them they aren’t good enough. They strive to fit in, make themselves softer, become submissive, all in the name of trying to find their own identity. But how is that possible when the playbook is in the hands of a greasy bearded, socks with sandals wearing, sink showering individual with no concept of what it takes to truly live up to the ultimately unrealistic standards placed upon these women?

The rules keep getting changed by men who put the same amount of effort into their appearance as they did when they were in elementary school. That’s a problem.

When you have people like Wannabe Womens’ Studies Graduate Fast & Furious star Tyrese and rappers like Kendrick Lamar declaring they want women who look “natural” and not “photoshopped, ” it comes across as insincere (to put it mildly). Why the sudden change of heart? This time last year, those same Instagram baddies were getting wifed up left and right. Kendrick, in particular, tells women to “Show me something natural like afro on Richard Pryor” but proceeds to have no black women with afros in his “Humble” music video, never mind the fact that the entire song includes him telling “bitches” to “sit down and be humble.”

So I have to ask a few questions. What exactly are black women supposed to look like? How much makeup is too much makeup? If her hair can’t grow past her shoulders, what then? Are you willing to champion her efforts as a man to wear her natural hair in the workplace, on the covers of Vogue, on television?

And why can’t black women decide for themselves what looks good on them?

 

 

Nivea Pulls Disturbing “White Is Purity” Ad

The Internet never forgets, and the Twitter detectives are always looking to find a case. Thanks to social media, more brands are finding the need to defend the representation in their advertisements.

Case in point: Nivea. The German-born brand of beauty products has already come under fire for its controversial choice of advertisements. The African-American community, in particular, has found their choice of copywriting…problematic.

Curious as to what those ads look like? Check them out below!

Continue reading “Nivea Pulls Disturbing “White Is Purity” Ad”

2017 Grammys Worst & Best Dressed

Now that the 2017 Grammys are over, it’s time to return to #TrumpWatch, right? Well, hold your horses there, eager beaver. First, let’s talk about last night’s red carpet event. There were some…interesting fashion statements going on.

From a woman with a dress made of old-timey music discs (Are CDs still around?) to a man dressed like a 90s Power Ranger villain, tonight’s fashunz were certainly….buzzworthy.

So, that leaves us with plenty to work with regarding the Worst & Best Dressed for the 2017 Grammys.

In no particular order…

Worst

Jaqueline van Bierk

This would have been a great Lady Gaga costume…in 2009. Sadly, whatever this actress was trying to do beyond Party City couture was lost…just like the old relics glued to her dress.

Taraji P. Henson

We’re disappointed in Taraji. This was her moment to truly shine after Hidden Figures did so well at the box office. Unless she’s about to surprise us with a Karate Kid 2 announcement, we’re not understanding this evening’s choice of wardrobe.

Katy Perry

attends The 59th GRAMMY Awards at STAPLES Center on February 12, 2017 in Los Angeles, California.

While the hair looks dazzling, any illusion of her outfit looking well-put-together is shattered the second our eyes reach the bottom of her dress. As with Taraji and that CD thief, this getup is truly perplexing.

But not as perplexing as this next one.

Goldar Cee-Lo Green

Apparently Ultraman is about to attack the United States, and our only hope is Metal Cee-Lo. That’s actually kind of a cool name. Nevertheless, cosplay belongs at Comic-Con, not at the Grammys.

??? (Random Trump Supporter)

When attention-seeking goes wrong…

Nevermind the fact that she’s so desperately trying to make notoriety for herself with in-your-face Trump support. The dress doesn’t even look stitched properly. I mean at LEAST put in SOME effort.

Best

Jason Derulo

attends The 59th GRAMMY Awards at STAPLES Center on February 12, 2017 in Los Angeles, California.

This outfit shouldn’t work. It really shouldn’t. There’s just something about the swagger, the cornrows, Jason’s posture, it just…works. We were pleasantly surprised by this.

Adel

attends The 59th GRAMMY Awards at STAPLES Center on February 12, 2017 in Los Angeles, California.

Adel consistently brings classy gowns as her big guns to red carpets, and this year’s selection did not disappoint.

Demi Lovato

attends The 59th GRAMMY Awards at STAPLES Center on February 12, 2017 in Los Angeles, California.

Ms. Lovato is simply STUNNING in her ensemble. The hair, the makeup, the tan, everything simply WORKS!

Jidenna

at The 59th Annual GRAMMY Awards at STAPLES Center on February 12, 2017 in Los Angeles, California.

The Classic Man himself, Jidenna radiates masculinity and unapologetic unique-ness while serving you that all-around gentleman flavor.

Rihanna

attends The 59th GRAMMY Awards at STAPLES Center on February 12, 2017 in Los Angeles, California.

Rihanna is, without a doubt, emerging to become a soon-to-be fashion icon in her own right. There are so many looks we’ve gotten from Rihanna. At what point is she going to stop slaying us?