Listen, I had to make peace with something on my road to self-improvement. Most of my life, I’d been called ugly a lot more frequently than my peers. It was devastating. It was discouraging. It was my initiation into the world of hopelessness…until I learned better.
And while beauty is in the eye of the beholder, there are people who are viewed as conventionally attractive or unattractive. Sure, I could tell myself that I was still beautiful, and I do. But was I conventionally attractive like the Instagram models and my hot friend who got asked out 20 times a week?
Maybe I wasn’t mainstream attractive. In fact, maybe most people who only went for mainstream attractiveness would consider me ugly.
So the f**k what?
Okay, so you’re not what most would consider super attractive. And? Does that mean you’re completely undeserving of love and respect? No, it absolutely doesn’t. Yes, beautiful people are treated differently than “ugly” people. I don’t have to tell you that. You see it every day, and some of them lord it over everyone else. And the world rewards them for it.
Still, you are capable of finding love just like they are. Look at celebrities like Flavor Flav, who had multiple seasons of a reality show where GORGEOUS women fought literal tooth and nail for a chance to be with him. Yes, the guy also had money, but it’s Flavor Flav! Is he THAT rich?
Just because we find someone unattractive doesn’t mean they deserve to lead a miserable existence in life. Part of my journey to improving my self-image was accepting all of me, even the parts I didn’t like. Except, I wanted to be honest, not just make myself feel better.
Maybe I wasn’t a magazine, a TV show, or even Grindr’s version of attractive, but so f**king what? I’m a good person, I help people, and I know now without a doubt that I am worthy of loving someone and being loved in return. Every one of us deserves that.
I’m sure you also have plenty of positive traits outside of your physical appearance. Write them down, say them out loud to yourself, and look in the mirror and say, “I may be ugly to some people, but so the f**k what!”
And say it like you’re Olivia Pope. Get your bottom lip trembling, show all of those teeth, snarl at your reflection, whatever it takes to get your point across. Repeat that mantra to yourself as many times as it takes until the word “ugly” has no power left anymore. Make the word as humdrum and unassuming as a conjunction. Give that power back to you.
If you’re pretty and reading this, I’m not saying you need to ease up and give us a chance. I don’t want a pity date (or f**k). I just want you to know that my “ugliness” isn’t going to stop me from seeking the same things you do. It may be a little bit more difficult, but that’s fine. Nothing worth truly having is easily-gained. I’m sure you know that. I mean…I HOPE you know that.
I’d hate for you to realize too late that “ugliness” also has its advantages. Cuz we’re certainly starting to catch on.