I think we can all agree dating apps suck. Yes, they’re user-friendly and simple to navigate, but they’re also full of strange, mentally-deranged people. You can log onto an app right now and see that same weirdo who’s ALWAYS online. Go do it right now, then come back.
See what I mean? OkCupid users posted on Reddit about their awful dating experiences, and they’re honestly pretty depressing. Want to see for yourself? Go ahead. You’ll feel much better afterward. Tuck into their stories below.
“There are Still Guys Like This?”
We went to go see a movie. It was awkward for a first date and we couldn’t talk. He invited me over to his place. He had mentioned when texting that he had roommates. So, we get to his house and his “roommates” are his parents. He introduced me to them as his friend, it was awkward. Well then we went upstairs to his room. We sat on his couch and started watching tv. Mind you he hasn’t made any moves, we haven’t even held hands yet. I laid next to him and snuggled up and we were watching tv for about an hour when all the sudden I feel his hand going down my pants. I grabbed it and pushed it up and then I said that I had to leave. On my way driving back from my house I got a text message that said he doesn’t think we should talk anymore because I don’t seem like his type.
“Did You Mention That Saying About the Boat and the Ocean?”
I made a thread about this kind of recently, but I still feel shitty about it so I don’t care.
Going on first date ever, things seem to be going well, girl seems really sweet, invites me back to her place, clothes start coming off, she laughs at my penis and makes snide remarks at me. Later messages at least one woman in my area talking negatively about my anatomy who then messages me to warn me that some crazy chick messaged her about me.
“I Honestly Want to Hug This Guy”
It was a first date. And it was my fault. Oh god, looking back I just cringe.
I was 19 at the time, my first REAL relationship of first love had ended. It was about two months after the breakup…which wasn’t enough time. And my dad had died about 8 months prior to the date. It was suicide. We got along pretty well, but the conversation drifted from one topic to the next during dinner. And what were the two fucking topics I decided to talk about? My most recent first love and my dad killing himself. I was too stupid to realize how uncomfortable she was. But I can picture it in my head and how much she wanted to leave. But I had given her a ride there.
It was Match.com and that was our only date.
“Who Wants That Perfect Love Story Anywaaaaaay?”
93% match, we meet for drinks. Things are going swimmingly until the date is wrappibg up and she starts talking some shit about a family member. Its hard to explain what she said because I was too distracted by what happened next:
When she gives her credit card to the bartender (splitting the bill, I was paying cash for mine) she murmurs to me, “That card’s not gonna work.”
Right on cue, bartender comes back. “Sorry, but this card expired eight months ago.”
She tries two more cards, both of which fail. “I’m gonna make a run for it,” she says.
Now, while I am not a regular, I visit this place occasionally. I have also worked in bars so I know this is a horrible thing to do. So before she cam bolt, I pay her tab.
She thanks me by running outside and across the street to her car and makes the fsdtest getaway ever.
There was no second date.
“FetLife is a Fetish Website FYI”
First ten minutes he told me about his fetlife profile and the chains attached to his ceiling. Fun! Then he had an anxiety attack in the middle of E 14th St. and proceeded to throw up into a trashbin for ten minutes while I stared at cabs go by.
“Puts the Catfish TV Show to Shame”
Bwahahaha which one?
The oddest was when she showed up being 7 months pregnant. Nothing about it on her profile. No pictures, no questions, no sidebar, nuttin’.
“We All Have a Friend Like This”
Nothing to horrible.
One guy wanted to meet at like 1am and there was nothing open. It was late summer. We went to Laurelhurst park to share a bottle of wine and I drank most of it while he rambled about being an ex-Christian. He asked if he could kiss me and drunk on a bottle of wine I shrugged. He kissed me and immediately after I tossed a ton of cookies into the lake. I just lurched off the bench and heaved into the pond and then rolled over into a little ball of drunken misery. Dude drove me home and shook me awake (how I didn’t end up dead IDK) and I stumbled into the door promptly slamming it in his face with a mumbled, ‘thanks’. I also think I cried drunkenly about my ex who dumped me that night over the great banana peel in the wrong trash can incident.
Anyhow, drunk lake guy texted me for a 2nd date. I did not reply. About 2 years or 1.5 years after I get a text. It’s drunk lake guy. He wants to hook up. I was like “wtf dude???”
“I Mean…If Co-Dependency Is Your Thing”
I had one where the guy showed up and announced that he hadn’t slept in 36 hours because his wife usually tells him when to go to bed and since they split she’s refusing to remind him even though they still live in the same house.
Um. Yah. No thanks.
“At Least She Tried”
the time a guy showed up for a museum date, walked inside with me, and proceeded to have a panic attack. he claimed he had worked out so hard at the gym and that’s why he was nauseous/couldn’t breathe. i’m nurturing by nature so i stuck around way too long – i ended up buying him some food and awkwardly trying to soothe him in front of the museum, but eventually i decided he was clearly too socially crippled to bother. i think i lasted like an hour.
How unfortunate. If you thought that was bad, think again. My dating life is even worse. In fact, my OkCupid date will put every story on this list to shame. Don’t believe me? Read my e-book titled My Horrible Gay Dating Life and see for yourself.