9 OkCupid Users Tell Their Dating Horror Stories

 

I think we can all agree dating apps suck. Yes, they’re user-friendly and simple to navigate, but they’re also full of strange, mentally-deranged people. You can log onto an app right now and see that same weirdo who’s ALWAYS online. Go do it right now, then come back.

See what I mean? OkCupid users posted on Reddit about their awful dating experiences, and they’re honestly pretty depressing. Want to see for yourself? Go ahead. You’ll feel much better afterward. Tuck into their stories below.

“There are Still Guys Like This?”

We went to go see a movie. It was awkward for a first date and we couldn’t talk. He invited me over to his place. He had mentioned when texting that he had roommates. So, we get to his house and his “roommates” are his parents. He introduced me to them as his friend, it was awkward. Well then we went upstairs to his room. We sat on his couch and started watching tv. Mind you he hasn’t made any moves, we haven’t even held hands yet. I laid next to him and snuggled up and we were watching tv for about an hour when all the sudden I feel his hand going down my pants. I grabbed it and pushed it up and then I said that I had to leave. On my way driving back from my house I got a text message that said he doesn’t think we should talk anymore because I don’t seem like his type.

“Did You Mention That Saying About the Boat and the Ocean?”

I made a thread about this kind of recently, but I still feel shitty about it so I don’t care.

Going on first date ever, things seem to be going well, girl seems really sweet, invites me back to her place, clothes start coming off, she laughs at my penis and makes snide remarks at me. Later messages at least one woman in my area talking negatively about my anatomy who then messages me to warn me that some crazy chick messaged her about me.

“I Honestly Want to Hug This Guy”

It was a first date. And it was my fault. Oh god, looking back I just cringe.

I was 19 at the time, my first REAL relationship of first love had ended. It was about two months after the breakup…which wasn’t enough time. And my dad had died about 8 months prior to the date. It was suicide. We got along pretty well, but the conversation drifted from one topic to the next during dinner. And what were the two fucking topics I decided to talk about? My most recent first love and my dad killing himself. I was too stupid to realize how uncomfortable she was. But I can picture it in my head and how much she wanted to leave. But I had given her a ride there.

It was Match.com and that was our only date.

“Who Wants That Perfect Love Story Anywaaaaaay?”

93% match, we meet for drinks. Things are going swimmingly until the date is wrappibg up and she starts talking some shit about a family member. Its hard to explain what she said because I was too distracted by what happened next:

When she gives her credit card to the bartender (splitting the bill, I was paying cash for mine) she murmurs to me, “That card’s not gonna work.”

“How come?”

Right on cue, bartender comes back. “Sorry, but this card expired eight months ago.”

She tries two more cards, both of which fail. “I’m gonna make a run for it,” she says.

Now, while I am not a regular, I visit this place occasionally. I have also worked in bars so I know this is a horrible thing to do. So before she cam bolt, I pay her tab.

She thanks me by running outside and across the street to her car and makes the fsdtest getaway ever.

There was no second date.

“FetLife is a Fetish Website FYI”

First ten minutes he told me about his fetlife profile and the chains attached to his ceiling. Fun! Then he had an anxiety attack in the middle of E 14th St. and proceeded to throw up into a trashbin for ten minutes while I stared at cabs go by.

“Puts the Catfish TV Show to Shame”

Bwahahaha which one?

The oddest was when she showed up being 7 months pregnant. Nothing about it on her profile. No pictures, no questions, no sidebar, nuttin’.

“We All Have a Friend Like This”

Nothing to horrible.

One guy wanted to meet at like 1am and there was nothing open. It was late summer. We went to Laurelhurst park to share a bottle of wine and I drank most of it while he rambled about being an ex-Christian. He asked if he could kiss me and drunk on a bottle of wine I shrugged. He kissed me and immediately after I tossed a ton of cookies into the lake. I just lurched off the bench and heaved into the pond and then rolled over into a little ball of drunken misery. Dude drove me home and shook me awake (how I didn’t end up dead IDK) and I stumbled into the door promptly slamming it in his face with a mumbled, ‘thanks’. I also think I cried drunkenly about my ex who dumped me that night over the great banana peel in the wrong trash can incident.

Anyhow, drunk lake guy texted me for a 2nd date. I did not reply. About 2 years or 1.5 years after I get a text. It’s drunk lake guy. He wants to hook up. I was like “wtf dude???”

“I Mean…If Co-Dependency Is Your Thing”

I had one where the guy showed up and announced that he hadn’t slept in 36 hours because his wife usually tells him when to go to bed and since they split she’s refusing to remind him even though they still live in the same house.

Um. Yah. No thanks.

“At Least She Tried”

the time a guy showed up for a museum date, walked inside with me, and proceeded to have a panic attack. he claimed he had worked out so hard at the gym and that’s why he was nauseous/couldn’t breathe. i’m nurturing by nature so i stuck around way too long – i ended up buying him some food and awkwardly trying to soothe him in front of the museum, but eventually i decided he was clearly too socially crippled to bother. i think i lasted like an hour.

How unfortunate. If you thought that was bad, think again. My dating life is even worse. In fact, my OkCupid date will put every story on this list to shame. Don’t believe me? Read my e-book titled My Horrible Gay Dating Life and see for yourself.

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11 Gay Men Tell Their Horrible Gay Dating Stories

 

 

Look, dating is hard for everybody, especially gay guys. There aren’t very many of us to begin with (contrary to popular belief), and we’re notoriously picky. Not only that, some of us can be just plain weird at times.

We’ve all had a horrible dating experience, but these Reddit users and their stories take the cake. From witches summoning dragons to cause earthquakes to crazy sweater-stealing exes, there’s plenty of gay dating horror stories to get into below. Are you ready to feel better about your dating situation?

“Didn’t Know What Hermes Was”

The guy was wearing an Hermes belt, the one with the big H on it. At the time I knew nothing about fashion or what Hermes was, so I asked what the H stood for. He scoffed at that, said “I don’t think this is going to work out” and then straight up left.

He was right though, it probably wasn’t going to ever work out.

“He Wasn’t a Fan of Mutants”

Back during the dark ages of online dating – here I am thinking gay.com – I met up with a guy to spend some time in my town. We went downtown, to the mall, and I suggested a movie. We glanced into the the theater. I saw this one listing … called “Hills”. Turns out, it was The Hills Have Eyes.

The nuclear mutants eating people did not bother me so much. Until they started eating the baby while violating the mother and the daughter simultaneously. I became lightheaded, and recognized that I was about to pass out from the sudden anxiety and adrenaline. I had to sit Indian style in the hallway, breathe deeply, and I broke out in a cold sweat. The manager inquried if I was okay, I said it was just nerves and it would eventually pass. They took pity on me, giving me a free ticket. My date took pity on me, consoling me and asking me if I was ok (mind you I am like 6’2” football player , he was like 5’10”).

Needless to say, I was humiliated. The moral of the story? Dunno. I still got laid.

“Third Wheel, Much?”

About 8 years ago I met a guy online. We decided to meet for lunch. He brought a female friend and proceeded to spend the date talking to her and practically ignoring me. She seemed as uncomfortable as me. Very strange.

“Things Escalated Quickly”

A girl in my apartment building set me up on a date with one of her coworkers. We met up for drinks and about 5 minutes in he told me he invited a couple friends friends. Over the next half hour about a dozen people joined our group and the guy spent the night hanging out with them.

“Who Pays For Grindr?”

He asked me out, we went to grab some drinks. Then while we were talking, he busted out his iPad and played some games and occasionally chatting with someone else on Grindr (we also met on Grindr). For some retarded reason, he proudly told me that he was paying for Grindr Xtra on both his phone and his iPad. Wat. When I said I’m tired and should go home, he then offered to go back to his place 5 minutes away, to “cuddle.” Nope.

“Speaking of Grindr Though”

Met a guy on Grindr that looked pretty hot. The way that he was messaging me seemed really odd, like it was a thirteen year old kid writing them. I figured what the hell, we’ll see what happens. I met him at a bar pretty close to my place. Right from the beginning it was one of the most confusing interactions that I’ve had with another human being. Within the first few minutes he went on this whole political rant, and then halfway through it asked if he had a point. I didn’t. So after he realized that crashed and burned, he asked me if I liked amusement parks. I had no idea how to respond to the question, because we were two guys in our mid-twenties, at a dive bar, drinking cheap beer. I was so confused. I think after that he asked if I like roller coasters, fried food, and living in Seattle. He then went on to explain to me that every four years he decides to move to a new city to try and change things up. He did this by choosing two random cities on a list, flipping a coin between the two, and then moving to said city. After a while of talking to him I was struggling to keep up conversation, so I made up some excuse and left after my first beer. To this day I don’t know if I was on some hidden camera show.

“Would You Watch a Show Called Military Husbands?

Well, he wasn’t actually single, he had a boyfriend, but he was deployed to Iraq. I’ve heard the stereotypes about military wives, but apparently it applies to military boyfriends too.

edit: He didn’t tell me about the boyfriend until dinner. Mentioned it very casually like it was NBD that he lied about being single.

“Was It Worth It, Though?”

Guy got so drunk he passed out in my car and couldn’t tell me where he lived so i could take him home. He woke up every 20 minutes or so to tell me which direction to turn, and then once to puke everywhere.

He gave good head though..

“Guy Obviously Has More Going On Than Butt Problems”

I met a guy at Caribou Coffee. It was his idea to grab coffee. Well, I get there, and he messaged me to let me know that he was going to be a little late. So, he showed up a half hour late. I already had my coffee. I asked him if he wanted anything, and he said, “I don’t like coffee.” So, I said he could get tea or something else. He refused. So, we started to just chat. He wouldn’t stop complaining about how loud the machines were there. But, worst of all, he told me that he couldn’t stay too long because sitting too long would bother his cyst. Yes, that’s right, he started talking about a cyst on his butt (This was our first and last date). He didn’t stop with just the mention of it. He continued to talk about it. He told me what kind it was (I can’t recall the name) and explained that it is the result of an ingrown hair developing to a cyst and that these are common in men who sit a lot. I have not had anyone top this one.

“Just Gonna Pull the Psychosis Card On This One”

I met a guy on OkCupid once, his profile seemed okay, so I agreed to meet him for dinner and movie. We both get to the movie about thirty-minutes early, so we decided to walk around the plaza and get to know each other a little better. We were making small talk when he suddenly tells me ‘I’m a wizard.’ I don’t much of it, I tell him I have some friends who are Wiccan and I’m cool with it, but then he goes on to tell me that he’s a real wizard and can control people minds and control fire and stuff like that.

At that point I was torn, part of me wanted to just call it a night and go home, but the other part of me really wanted to see the movie, so I decided to stay and see what happened. After that movie, it turns out that his idea of dinner was Burger Kind drive-thru, and since he didn’t have a car I had to get the food and then drive him home. As I’m driving him home, I start to realize that the way I’m taking looked really familiar. I finally realized that he lived in the same apartment that a good friend of mine did, we used to work together and I’d drive him home on nights that it was too cold to bike in, but all of a sudden he dropped all communication with me one year in February and stopped coming into work.

I asked to guy if he knew my old friend, who then laughed and said that they used to be roommates, until he got tired of him and decided to kick him out…by tossing all his stuff into the parking lot while he was at work one day. At that point I got really angry and kicked him out of my car, I remembered my friend told me that his family lived on the West Coast and wasn’t too happy with him, so now I have no clue where he went to.

After about a week or so we had a slight earthquake in town, which was kinda weird since I can’t ever remember having an earthquake in West Virginia, but later that day the douchebag texted me saying that the earthquake was caused by a dragon living under the city. I replied back with a ‘fuck you’ and never heard from him again.

“Play It Safe, Guys”

Okie doke, so I had recently stopped seeing this guy and decided to get back on the horse right away. I made an OKCupid and got a couple of hits over a few days. I do not photograph well and it is very rare that I like photos of me, but there was this one in particular of me and the ex that is just super flattering of me, so I put that one up too. This one cute guy in particular messaged me multiple times and was really interested in meeting up with me. He was really nice and we had some mutual Facebook friends, and he worked close to my apartment, so I invited him over for dinner and a movie.

So he comes over and is really nice and still seems super interested and is asking a bunch of questions about me and my past and eventually we get on the subject of our past boyfriends. That’s when it starts to get a llittle weird. At that point the movie was playing, but there was pretty much no attention being paid to it. It started out as a few innocent questions here and there and pretty soon I found out that my ex was his ex also and I actually thought it was really funny. At one point I even pulled out one of his favorite sweaters that he left at my place and it was confirmed.

I didn’t really care, but then it turned into a full on interview on when we met, what we did, when we did it, how fast it progressed, what the emotional connection was, if I ever met his family, if he ever met mine, how often he had been in my apartment. Every single question had something to do with this guy and it was not even subtle like it had been in the beginning. At that point it was super uncomfortable, but I had already told him that he could sleep over (spare bedroom) since he worked in the morning also AND he had been drinking and smoking so I wasn’t going to put him out even though I totally should have.

Next morning I woke up to find him and the sweater gone. Blocked on OKCupid, blocked on Facebook. Never heard from him again. I later found out from a mutual “friend” that our ex started seeing me when he was still with him, and that I was at fault for their relationship ending. So I’m just lucky I did not get stabbed. Worst date ever.

Yikes, right?And if you thought these stories were bad, think again. My dating life was even worse. Don’t believe me? Check out my new e-book My Horrible Gay Dating Life and find out for yourself. Don’t worry. It won’t take long for you to feel much better about your romantic history.

 

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