It should be so simple to stop being insecure in a relationship, right? Sadly, though, it’s one of the most common things that ruin them.
Whether it be insecurity in oneself or just being insecure about a partner, insecurity can quickly turn a relationship sour.
So, what should we do about it? Here are four ways to stop being insecure in a relationship.
Identify It and Be Honest
The first step in dealing with negative emotions involves honesty. You won’t get anywhere if you can’t admit the truth. Your partner can’t read your mind, no matter how strong your bond is. That’s why it’s important to be able to immediately recognize what you’re feeling.
We hesitate to admit tough feelings because we think it makes us look weak or hysterical. However, your partner should fully support you and respect your feelings. Once you’ve determined what emotion you’re feeling, accept it. Allow it. Then get ready to address it.
Don’t Assume the Worst
It’s easy to think bringing up negative emotions with your partner will inevitably lead to the demise of your relationship. We think a happy pairing means being happy ALL the time.
It’s why we ask people in relationships or marriages “Are you happy?” We think in extremes. You’re either in a state of perpetual bliss, or you’re a miserable rain cloud. So we fool ourselves into thinking perpetual happiness is the goal.
Except, you won’t be happy ALL the time, even in general. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t still claim it. Happiness is about being happy as a majority, not as an absolute. It’s impossible to be happy all the time, so don’t give up on your partner just because you feel insecure. Use it as an opportunity to strengthen the bonds of your relationship.
Talk About It
Once you know what’s eating at you, talk to your partner about it. Communication is a two-way street in any relationship. Help your partner out by giving them some direction as to where your mind is headed at the moment. It’ll give them a chance to help you out and encourage dialogue.
Both partners need to understand what’s going on for a relationship to work out. That means talking about your feelings and allowing your partner to talk about theirs just as openly.
The goal is to make sure you’re both on the same page. Once you understand what’s going on, it’ll be easier for your partner to reassure and comfort you if they know exactly why they need to do so.
Expressed vs. Implied Expectations
Remember that your partner can’t read your mind? Let’s dig into that a little bit more. One of the most common causes of insecurity in a relationship comes from one partner feeling like the other takes them for granted.
As a result, one-half of the relationship can become resentful of the other. That resentment then breeds insecurity regarding the future of the relationship. As a result, that insecurity eventually boils over into a future meltdown.
So why does this happen? I’ll tell you.
9 times out of 10 we don’t express our expectations. We imply them. We expect our partners to know exactly how we want to be loved, respected, and nurtured. If they don’t automatically pick up on our love language, we assume they never will or that they have no interest in doing so. Except (and I had to learn this myself), this isn’t like a movie.
Prince Charming doesn’t swoop in, save you, and then you both live happily ever after with no problems. Sometimes, both of you are gonna get it wrong. That’s okay!
But instead of throwing your hands up in the air, consider expressing your expectations instead. If you expect your partner to contribute to household chores WITHOUT being told, express that. Want your alone time when you get home from work? Express that. Feel like your partner should step in regarding an in-law overstepping your boundaries? Express. It.
You can’t always will something to change. You have to speak up.
No one said finding a way to stop being insecure in a relationship was going to be easy. You’ll feel exhausted some days as you continue to work through your emotions together.
However, it’s an important part of any healthy relationship. If you want things to work out in the long term, your partner should be able to address and help resolve whatever insecurity is plaguing both of you.