Okay, listen. My line of work is far from conventional. I understand that. I’m a paranormal investigator for Christ’s sakes. But that doesn’t mean hygiene and common decency should go out the window.
There’s about four of us who work out of the office. The owner has a son we call on when we need to perform exorcisms, but it’s mostly just us four who go out in the field.
Usually, I’m teamed up with Lucille, which I’m fine with. She wears terrible shoes and probably has more portraits of her cats than family members, but she’s tolerable. I can actually concentrate on my cases with her.
And then there’s Sondra.
Sondra doesn’t just reek; she PERMEATES. She claims she showers, but I’m certain it’s only once a month and without soap. You know how some people are. They just throw some water over their back and call it a “shower.”
Imagine having to be in the same room with her while you try to communicate with a century-old ghost. One time I wanted to ask the ghost, “Do you smell that? Does she need to go to a doctor?”
Like Jesus woman what swamp are you bathing in to smell that awful? And then she had the NERVE to bring lasagna to the Christmas potluck like somebody was gonna eat that crap.
I don’t even eat Lucille’s food; she’s got too many damn cats. So, what makes you think I want to eat Stank Sondra’s lasagna that probably came from the frozen section? I don’t think she even made it herself.
I have BEGGED the owner to not put me on cases with her, but due to my own conduct issues I often get switched around with different partners. We’re not gonna get into that, but I did eventually say something to Sondra yesterday.
I went up to her desk and straight up told her, “Sondra, you smell like Biblical times. When is the last time you showered?”
Do you know she really got up, ran for the door, and called the owner? So, now I have a meeting today with a mediator to work out my “issues” with her. Fuck Sondra! She’s a musty demon, and we need to exorcise her before the office turns into a gas chamber.