Women are conditioned to fear being alone. Whether it’s red pill podcasts, 90s rom coms, or even just, you know, Supreme Court decisions, women feel they aren’t allowed to be alone. Ever.

So, is it possible for women love themselves without the need for a relationship? How can they explore their sexuality in a meaningful way without shame?

I am joined by Victoria Icenhower as we break down what it means to avoid co-dependent tendencies. We’ll also discuss how women can become fully-realized individuals who aren’t afraid to sit with themselves.

Victoria Icenhower  00:57

There’s a restaurant close to where I live. And I remember sitting in I’m listening in my apartment, I had this cute little sweater dress on. And I was like I don’t know what to do for dinner. I really, and I was thinking to myself how I you know, it wouldn’t be nice to share this with someone.

Victoria Icenhower  01:15

And I was like, You know what? I was like, I’d love to go to this rush, you know, this place, right? And so I drive myself over there. I walk up to the bar, and I have a seat. And I’ll never forget it because there was a an older couple next to me on my left.

Victoria Icenhower  01:34

And I was sitting there and I looked at the menu, I ordered myself a glass of wine, I ordered an entree, and they looked at me and they’re like, Oh my God, you’re you’d like, you know, the one was like, You look beautiful tonight.

Victoria Icenhower  01:45

And I was like Thank you. She’s like, are you waiting on someone? And I said, I said no, I’m I’m here, I’m here on my own. And she looks at me and she’s like, Honey, you’re never alone.

Dimitrius  01:55

I’ve spoken before about my advocacy of women, especially as someone who often gets mistaken for one. I’ve talked a lot about women’s dating experiences. I’ve brought on several women of color to discuss their experiences and challenges that they face.

Dimitrius  02:11

But today though, I want to focus on how women can reclaim their power. Particularly, I want to focus on how women instead of looking for external validation can instead start romancing quote unquote, themselves, first and foremost. Now, of course, Far be it for me as a man to tell any woman how to do any of this.

Dimitrius  02:35

So I’ve enlisted the help of Victoria Eisenhower, owner and creator of Lotus lifestyle. She’s a yoga instructor and a life coach who helps women recognize their own unique sensual power, building confidence and boundaries, and creating a strong sacred bond with themselves to live a more fulfilled lifestyle. So needless to say, I think she’s more than qualified to help me break down today’s topic. So let’s get started.

Dimitrius  03:03

Welcome to the Dimitrius show, where I learned how to walk through my shadows, picking the flowers I’ve grown through sheer resilience. And I may not know enough yet to start teaching, but I’m going to keep convincing you to keep pushing. I’m Dimitrius. And this is my life, after speaking.

Dimitrius  03:33

Something I’m very passionate about is breaking down like codependency in relationships means and looks like we have so much media, mostly romantic comedies that push this idea that you can’t do something as simple as going to a restaurant, a coffee shop, a movie, theater, etc. By yourself.

Dimitrius  03:52

Those are places for dates or to go with someone else. You’re not supposed to go to these places or do these things alone. That’s taboo. In a broader sense, our culture and media tries to instill this idea that you need to find someone to quote unquote, complete you, like you’re not capable of being a whole fully realized version of yourself, unless you’re in a relationship.

Dimitrius  04:18

So we see movies where the protagonist, usually a woman spends the entire movie searching for this perfect guy who does and says all the right things was perfect timing. He completes her and they live happily ever after. Because they can’t do so without each other.

Dimitrius  04:35

And because that’s so ingrained in our culture, it’s easy to see how so many people struggle with the idea that you can’t do something as simple as pulling up a chair in a sit down restaurant without feeling like you have to have a companion like something’s wrong with you.

Dimitrius  04:51

If you’re not eventually permanently attached to someone. That’s why I’m bringing in Victoria to help me talk about women’s experiences with these very things. and how she helps her clients reevaluate their worth and find their inner power. So let’s bring her on.

Victoria Icenhower  05:06

I go by, I have a few few fun titles, I call myself the self love scientist, I am not your average yoga teacher, and I am a women’s sex coach.

Dimitrius  05:18

So three titles there, right? Let’s I want to kind of dig into each one of those. So you mentioned you are not like every other yoga teacher, correct? Yep. Not your average yoga teacher, your average yoga teacher? So how do you differentiate yourselves from the other yoga teachers?

Victoria Icenhower  05:37

So my philosophy, the way I approach yoga is backed by the training I did, I became a teacher in April of 2021. And when I finished that, the training, it really, it just completely changed my mindset on the approach to yoga, because people hear yoga, and immediately they think of flexibility, they a lot of body, you know, self conscious body, shame comes up, because it’s depicted as like, you know, very fit kind of topic.

Victoria Icenhower  06:08

And I want to bring the experience that I had in my training, and even when I started yoga years ago, as a source of like, self love, and to help with like, clarity, in my mind, I want to bring that with every experience I have with my private clients to my group session.

Victoria Icenhower  06:27

So I bring a lot more creativity. And I focus a lot more on safety, mindfulness, allowing everyone to feel more comfortable in their bodies more connected with their breath. And I collaborate with businesses to integrate more yoga into the workplace to boost like the overall like competence and morale of their employees.

Victoria Icenhower  06:50

And it’s not just like, Oh, we’re gonna do this, you know, let’s go into downward dog and breathe. It’s more like, Oh, we’re gonna play this Harry style song, and we’re gonna shake and you know, just having this overall experience that allows people to feel more at home. So it’s not just the class, they actually take those feelings and that experience beyond the mat.

Dimitrius  07:11

Oh, good. Yes. Because I can say from personal experience that yoga was my first time going was very intimidating. Because when you see yoga depicted, like in the media, you see, like, he’s a really super fit women disciplined women.

Dimitrius  07:25

And you’re thinking you have to already be in that space, in order to do yoga. But I going in, I was like, I’m actually really out of shape. And I can’t do half of these poses the way everyone else is doing.

Dimitrius  07:41

But that was okay. I mean, over time, I was able to, but I think it’s important for people to know that you have to, like you mentioned, kind of figure out where your body is, and kind of just, you know, get it to a point where it’s comfortable moving into those new poses and new ways of breathing and getting things adjusted, and things of that nature.

Victoria Icenhower  08:01

Yes, exactly. I like I desire that when everyone comes in, they leave feeling like, I’ve never taken a class like that before. And I want everyone to feel seen. And, you know, you get on the mat. And I I’ve been there myself where I get on the mat, and I look at everybody. I’m like, Oh, I can’t get my foot up that high. Right.

Dimitrius  08:23

Exactly, exactly. And I love that you do that at the corporate level as well, you go into those corporate spaces, because we need that, we need that so much. Right now we’re very are working in the corporate environment.

Dimitrius  08:35

We’re very sedentary, we barely have time to get up, first of all, and then we do get up. It’s to quickly like scurry to the closest vending machine, grab something awful, right? And then we scurry back to our desks. And that’s our whole day. And so we try to find ways to get up and move.

Dimitrius  08:56

And I love that you mentioned that you get people to kind of shake things out a little bit to kind of loosen up because you’re sitting all day, and you have all that tension and everything like that. And I mean, you’re not going to be able to sometimes just be like okay.

Dimitrius  09:09

I’m gonna just stretch maybe you need to like shake things up a little bit first, then stretch, then kind of you know, it helps mentally I think to get you in that space. So I love that. So your other profession is you are a sex coach.

Victoria Icenhower  09:22

I became very interested in my own personal like sexual wellness and health when I so I went through a I went through a divorce after I kind of felt like I was like, Oh, I have everything. Yeah, during the divorce, like losing letting that relationship go and like closing that chapter. It really, it kind of took like an identity part of me.

Victoria Icenhower  09:46

So it was this rebuilding and rekindling this relationship with myself and getting to know who this you know who this woman was, and I realize a lot of power comes from intimacy, especially the one you have with yourself. And I started building these boundaries and like doing things that would challenge my body.

Victoria Icenhower  10:08

And that would include like going out on dates by myself where I, you know, I never would have saw myself doing that, because I always expected, you know, I have to, I have to like in quotes, like, I have to have someone go with me. In my previous relationships, I was always hopeful to receive certain things, and have these expectations that weren’t fulfilled. And I started doing that on my own. And I realized, like, I had a lot of power.

Victoria Icenhower  10:36

And I started, I feel like I found my voice and my confidence when I started learning to love myself again after that chapter. And I became very fascinated with the way our body works, when it comes to building intimacy, from anything from like, standing in front of the mirror and saying, I love you, and really noticing what came up, I used to be very self conscious.

Victoria Icenhower  10:58

And then I started, you know, started wearing clothes that like made me feel really sexy, I started taking more baths. And then I started doing a lot of reading into women’s health, and like really understanding that I was like, Oh, my God, this whole time, I really do have a power.

Victoria Icenhower  11:15

I just, I thought that my life was supposed to look like this, like white picket fence kind of thing. And so when that came to an end, it was like, What do I do? Right. And so I started dating myself. And it just it brought me so much competence, because I realized that the person I actually needed this whole time was myself to really understand what my boundaries are.

Victoria Icenhower  11:42

And once I started trusting myself, and just getting to know her so much more, I was like, Damn, I’m like, I am thriving. Excellent. Yeah. So I became, I basically became very passionate about sharing my experiences. I did some mindset coaching on the side as well. And I started, you know, chatting with my girlfriends at first, and then some family members.

Victoria Icenhower  12:10

I was like, did you know like, like, if there’s anybody, like, does anybody ever talk about like, like, even pleasure? Like, does anybody talk about self pleasure? And everyone’s like, Oh, no, that’s very, like, scandalous, or taboo, did it? Why are we talking about this, because when we have this trust, and we’re able to really drop in with ourselves, and like, take, take an evening, or take some time out of your day to like, be intimate, and you know, the power and the energy that comes from.

Victoria Icenhower  12:39

It is just like smiling ear to ear because I get so excited. Yeah, and I thought to myself, and I have a business mentor. And he was he told me, he’s like, people, I started sharing a lot of information on my social media. And my mentor was like, you he’s like, You need to tell people that you’re doing this, like, as a like, this is your coaching program.

Victoria Icenhower  13:01

This is your purpose is there are people out there you have it, they have no idea. And it’s, it’s no one’s fault given for me, it wasn’t anybody. So I I love to educate and empower women to take to take back that power in their sexuality and thrive in their lifestyles. Because when we’re able to put ourselves up to a standard, we can go out in the world without people pleasing everybody, because we’ve said yes to ourselves first.

Dimitrius  13:31

Exactly. Precisely. And I want to ask you to so what was the first time that you took yourself out on a date? What was that experience like?

Victoria Icenhower  13:40

I smile because it’s to this day, it’s probably one of my favorite restaurants. There’s a there’s a restaurant close to where I live. And I remember sitting in I’m was sitting in my apartment, I had this cute little sweater dress on.

Victoria Icenhower  13:55

And I was like, I don’t know what to do for dinner. I really, and I was thinking to myself how I you know, it wouldn’t be nice to share this with someone. And I was like, You know what? I was like, I’d love to go to this rush, you know, this place, right?

Victoria Icenhower  14:10

And so I drive myself over there. I walk up to the bar, and I have a seat. And I will never forget it because there was a an older couple next to me on my left. And I was sitting there and I looked at the menu, I ordered myself a glass of wine, I ordered an entree, and they looked at me and they’re like, Oh my God, you’re you’d like no one was like, You look beautiful tonight.

Victoria Icenhower  14:33

And I was like, thank you. She’s like, are you waiting on someone? And I said, I said, No, I’m, I’m here. I’m here on my own. And she looks at me and she’s like, Honey, you’re never alone. And I was like, I got it. I sat there.

Victoria Icenhower  14:49

And not only was like the company unexpectedly wonderful and warm. The food was divine, like the food was out of this world and I sat there and I kept thinking to myself Like, I can’t believe I waited this long to for someone else to treat me this way, when I had the ability to do that myself.

Victoria Icenhower  15:09

And I overcame that hole, because there was a lot of I wouldn’t say a lot, I would definitely say, there’s some kind of like judgment like that scarcity feeling of, I’m about to go into this nice restaurant, and I’m a lot like I said, alone, or, you know, here I am, by myself.

Victoria Icenhower  15:28

And when I sat at the bar, and I had this food, and the service was phenomenal, I felt completely like just, I felt seen in a way, and then I could just laugh off what I was feeling before and then with each time, because I would continue to like go out, have a drink, or have dinner, it got easier and easier. And I was able to just show up confidently, like yep.

Victoria Icenhower  15:53

And now I’m like, really good friends with the bartenders and servers, they’re good. When they know you by name. And it’s, it’s empowering now, because I’m the kind of person right, I can sit there and I can strike up a conversation with someone. And I no longer feel that I don’t feel that judgment.

Victoria Icenhower  16:13

And that could have been something, you know, that judgment that came from myself for being there independently. Now I show up confidently, like, Yep, I’m treating myself to a date night, you know, or even a date night at home.

Dimitrius  16:27

Exactly. Well, I’m glad you’re able to do that. And getting over that hurdle of, oh, my gosh, what am I going to do when people see that? I’m sitting here by myself, and I’m ordering an entree and a drink, and whatever, whatever.

Dimitrius  16:42

And a lot of that comes down to is that, yeah, people may look at you when you first walk in and your first order, but we are so like, caught up in our own little universes, that you’re not going to be the topic of discussion for months on end or something, you’re probably just gonna be like, Okay, well, they’re by themselves for some reason, oh, no, at worst, and then they’ll go back to eating or whatever they’re doing.

Dimitrius  17:06

And you will not be like this pariah of a person who gets chased out of the village, you know, and all that stuff. And so I’m glad that you were able to see that and experience that and that it was at a place that you really liked, and that you’ve grown to love it now.

Dimitrius  17:23

And I’m really glad that the lady that spoke to you said that to you said that you’re never alone. Because really, if you go out somewhere and you sit down, and you know how to, you know, kind of interact with people takes time, right sometimes, but once you get that down, it’s I mean, you can go anywhere, you can sit down anywhere, and just feel completely at ease. So I’m so thankful that you were able to experience that. Thank you,

Victoria Icenhower  17:49

I think it it gets easier with time. And this kind of experience happens. Even if it’s not at a restaurant, you could be at a coffee shop, and you’re like, Okay, I’m gonna put my book here, I’m gonna sit here.

Victoria Icenhower  17:59

And it’s like, you can always talk, you can strike a conversation with the barista, or you might even meet someone at that location. Right. And I do think it gets a lot easier next, you know, it becomes part of like this thing you get to treat yourself or look forward to and it’s, it’s amazing.

Dimitrius  18:17

And some of the if you are in the dating game, seriously, right? Some of the best stories happen from just going someplace and beating someplace in some kind of innocuous location. Like your soul, I was just sitting at the coffee shop. And that’s where I met someone so or something versus like a dating app, or a club or a bar or something.

Victoria Icenhower  18:38

So I would I would definitely like that.

Dimitrius  18:41

Better, much better. Potential love story, their setup. So I yeah, I totally get that. And I’m thankful that you’re able to do that. And I encourage people to go out and do have those times where you go out by yourself.

Dimitrius  19:00

And you sit there and you have to, you know, kind of figure out how you’re going to navigate through the experience, just kind of figure out for me, especially it was well, who do you want to be? How do you want to go about your life where you’re not constantly attached to a person, because you don’t have to be and figuring out, you know.

Dimitrius  19:20

Because you’re going to try to talk I wanted to try to talk to people I’d never met and strike up conversation and learn that social skill in going through and going okay, well, sometimes we’ll be receptive to and sometimes people will not. And that’s okay.

Dimitrius  19:35

I mean, that’s everyone has their paradigms, and they’re, how comfortable they are with meeting strangers and things of that nature. But I still encourage people to overall just continue to go for it. And usually it’s overall going to be a positive experience.

Victoria Icenhower  19:49

Yes, absolutely. And like for me, I would save so much time and energy if I would go for it. And so I use that mindset, even now it’s like like, Okay, if that’s what I want, you know, what is standing in my way?

Victoria Icenhower  20:04

Oh, I’ve never done this before, but it feels exciting. Go for it. Because if you keep spinning that hamster wheel up, like what if? What if? What if? What is the best case scenario? And like you said, it turns into a positive experience.

Dimitrius  20:17

Exactly. And just because something is unfamiliar, doesn’t mean it’s always going to be bad. Exactly. Exactly. So I think we got two out of three of your professions. What was the last one?

Victoria Icenhower  20:28

Oh, probably the self love scientist.

Dimitrius  20:32

Okay, perfect self love scientist. So how, tell me a little bit about that.

Victoria Icenhower  20:37

So I, it was funny because I was chatting with a friend the other day, and she was like, we should break this down. Where did this come from? Again, I think it’s funny, because I kind of I go, I’ll change it a little bit from time to time, this title kind of stuck with me, because I’ve got to kind of go backwards.

Victoria Icenhower  20:54

So the scientist actually is a part of my history, like, I did go to school for science, I love and I’m very nerdy about learning how our bodies are put together, how they operate, I look at us, and I see art. So I like appreciate, like, we’re literally walking canvases. And I love that we’re all unique.

Victoria Icenhower  21:17

And so I’m obsessed with like how things work. And that thing I also use for my coaching is understanding like how women and learning how to you know, basically like learning how you’re learning how your body operates, and not being afraid to getting to know her. And so the scientist part of me is all that research and also experiences like I like to try things and see for what they are before I apply that for my work.

Victoria Icenhower  21:46

And then the self love it came into play, probably even know, I would say yeah, definitely. During this like new, like new season, a new journey for myself was building an integrating self love for myself, because for so long, I was serving other people and living a life for them for their comfort, like playing small, staying in a box.

Victoria Icenhower  22:11

And then when I finally just basically took over and took, you know, took over the drive, I was like, You know what, I want to fully like step into my life and power and live my life on my terms, that was adding more self love and forgiveness and learning to let go of like shame and guilt.

Victoria Icenhower  22:32

And that was, you know, kind of tied up with the, the sex coaching as well was learning to rebuild this relationship with myself with, you know, getting my health on track and moving towards things that I love. And kind of, I would say steering my lifestyle, I would say like, you know, steering the lifestyle towards what we want, like what we truly want, like, what is it that you want, not what your parents said, not what your grandparents said, not what your friends, like getting down to the bare, like the bare that is you and knowing like, this is what I want deep down, I know I’m destined for greatness, and that, you know, this is it’s this or something better.

Victoria Icenhower  23:12

So the self love comes from this relationship I’ve built for myself, this lifestyle that I’ve created, and continue to grow and thrive. And because at the end of the day, at the end of the timeline like this is this is our life, this is this is what we got, let’s, let’s make it amazing, let’s make it colorful, and like let’s get loud and messy and have fun versus like this, you know, stay small, like like, you know, stay small, be quiet. Right?

Victoria Icenhower  23:44

So all of that, combined with the scientific, nerdiness in me to experience life and be curious and you know, stay open and be curious to these experiences. And the more I find myself challenged, the more I want to understand and expand and grow.

Dimitrius  24:02

Exactly. Perfect. So you mentioned I know, you mentioned before about the people pleasing aspect. And I think that ties into a lot of that where you are helping people kind of put, of course put themselves first.

Dimitrius  24:17

And we also mentioned before about the unfamiliar and kind of exploring that and knowing that it’s not always a bad thing to get outside of your comfort zone and experience new things. Even if it’s at the cost of what you think you’re lucky mentioned.

Dimitrius  24:34

What do you think your friends, family, peers are going to want for you? It takes that courage to kind of learn for yourself what’s best for yourself, and I’m thankful that you know you are able to help assist others in discovering what that means for them.

Victoria Icenhower  24:51

Thank you love. I appreciate that.

Dimitrius  24:53

Yes, yes. So what are some of the most common scenarios that you noticed when men struggle with the most regarding taking back their power or mental health?

Victoria Icenhower  25:06

I would say, we come across a lot of shame and a lot of guilt of this, this feeling of I’m not worthy, or I’m not enough to receive this. And this comes from like, on average, this is coming from someone who works a nine to five, has a degree has children, and also may not have children.

Victoria Icenhower  25:28

It’s like they’re doing all the things and yet deep down, they still feel like it’s not enough. And so when it comes to like, hey, you know, part of our practices, you know, I like I’d like for you to plan a self love day, or even if it’s something as small as like going on a walk.

Victoria Icenhower  25:42

And it could be something very minor like that. It could also it can, there’s a huge scale, you know, that small minor incident of being told no, or I don’t have time for you right now from an adult or guardian, that small trauma and going all the way to even experiencing some form of sexual trauma, it really does impact the way we end up growing and growing up into, you know, into adulthood.

Victoria Icenhower  25:42

And there’s resistance there. Because at some point in time, when they were younger, and their adolescence, there was a point in time where they wanted to feel creative, or ask for something, and they were told no, or they were they, they were seeking out this love and it was not returned.

Victoria Icenhower  26:29

So then we’re in this, it could be a small level of fight or flight, it can be a very low level of just living with these horse blinders up and knowing like, I have to work Monday through Friday, nine to and then I have to like, I can’t tell you how many times people tell me, I just I can’t I need to get to the weekend, then they get to the weekend.

Victoria Icenhower  26:50

And the weekend goes by so quickly, because you know, they spend one day doing all the adult chores or taking care of kids soccer games, and they’re still not implementing time for themselves. So it’s almost like, they cycle through burnout.

Victoria Icenhower  27:04

And when someone asks them to do something for themselves, they’re hit with the Oh, no, I could never do that. Right? It’s not, you know, it’s not unheard of. And at the same time, it’s not their fault. And so we work through a lot of that guilt and shame for them to actually, you know, go treat yourself.

Victoria Icenhower  27:23

And this is as small as like, go out and get that cup of coffee, or go out and buy those shoes. Like I know you’re thinking about those shoes, and I really think you should wear them.

Dimitrius  27:33

Right? Exactly. Do they ever come to you specifically about anything with their sexual health?

Victoria Icenhower  27:39

Some of them are curious. Because when I launched, when I started marketing, as a sex coach, I had a couple of women come to me. And that was that’s where I started integrating the concept of educating and empowering because I, you know, there’s not there is not a lot of information available for young women, about exploring their sexuality and safe like, you know, safe sex or even just like female pleasure and teaching women to like, have fun with their bodies.

Victoria Icenhower  28:12

It’s immediately like in school, that’s when you’re going through puberty, these are the changes that happen to your body. And so these programs are being put into, you know, we’re exposed to these programs, we grow up and then we’re, we’re expected to understand how our body works.

Victoria Icenhower  28:28

And we don’t know. So I, I educate women on like, just how to take something that’s so taboo, and people hear sex and they immediately are like, very, you know, some people were disgusted. And some people are like, that’s very, you know, it’s very scandalous, it’s very hush hush, and I’m here to say what so you would say the same thing about politics and religion, I want to turn something that’s taboo into something sacred and beautiful.

Victoria Icenhower  29:01

And so I educate them on how exciting they can be about their bodies. Because it is it comes down to mindset and the way we feel in our bodies.

Dimitrius  29:11

I like that a lot. So regarding Do you ever get clients or anything where they’re talking about the dating scene, specifically, how transactional it is? And when you come into contact with these men who expect something in return for taking them out to eat, or I mean doing anything? Do you ever come into contact with that?

Victoria Icenhower  29:36

Dating comes up not as much in the clientele. I was, at one point helping a young lady who I was celebrating her so much because we’ve worked for a while where she was able to she was able to hold herself to a standard because she realized like how valuable she was as a woman and in her you know, sexual power that when she went on a date. And she could feel in her body that she was not, you know, she was no longer desiring this person, she just felt like energetically like, I no longer want to be around this person, I want to go home.

Victoria Icenhower  30:13

So she, you know, told this person like, I’m going to leave, this isn’t working for me. And when that happened, the person she was with reacted. And she was like, she’s like, you know, a part of me almost felt guilty for telling him no. And then I realized, you know, what we talked about, about standing in my power, because at the end of the day, she’s not alone. She’s just free.

Dimitrius  30:34

So what do you feel has been the most challenging aspect of your work?

Victoria Icenhower  30:39

I think the most challenging aspects of my work is coming to terms with patients and teaching my clients this, this low steady like this. This is a very, you know, secret process. I have, you know, everybody wants results, immediately. Everybody wants to get like a million dollars tomorrow.

Victoria Icenhower  31:05

Everyone wants, you know, like, full transparency. Everybody wants to have the big, you know, orgasm. Right? They do. It’s like, I want that for all of you. And I want that for everyone. However, we have some work to do. And until you learn to, like, you can tell me Yes.

Victoria Icenhower  31:24

Like, do you trust yourself? Oh, yeah, yeah, I’m like, do you write this yourself. And so it’s, I think, I like that you said challenge, because I feel that every client I come like, in contact with and every relationship I’ve built, has taught me something at the same time, about me, and about them.

Victoria Icenhower  31:44

And I feel like I’ve become I’ve become more and more in tune to being patient with them. And just like, when I hold the space, and there, they can be voicing like, you know, a felt very hard for me for like to stand in front of a mirror and like, write out, you know, all the things that they didn’t like about their bodies, or when they, you know, went to practice.

Victoria Icenhower  32:09

They didn’t, they didn’t stay there for very long, and they were discouraged. And I think yeah, it’s just patience. Yes, absolutely. Patience has become, I think that’s something that I’ve definitely brought in for 2023 is, it reminds me of a garden.

Victoria Icenhower  32:29

Which is funny, because I’m obsessed with roses right now. And it’s, I’ve been kind of using this as in my work, as well as teaching my clients that our goals are like planting the seeds. And the work that we’re doing is nurturing the sun, the water, the sweet, you know, affirmations, like, that’s something we have to do daily.

Victoria Icenhower  32:50

And then sometimes, you know, we’ll skip a day, we just have to remember that the garden is still there and requires tending, but we can’t just dive in and look at it and open up the soil and be like, Why haven’t you grown yet? Right? Why fix?

Victoria Icenhower  33:05

And it’s like, no, no, no, everything is perfect. Everything is happening right on time. We just have to continue to nurture it. And it’s, that’s it right there.

Dimitrius  33:15

So on the flip side of that, what are some of your favorite success stories?

Victoria Icenhower  33:22

I would have to say, I will have to go back to that story about the the young, my young client, I generally see clients from ages 22 to about 60. And she was at that 22 mark. And I was really excited because you know, I’m a little bit older.

Victoria Icenhower  33:38

And the clients I see are a reflection of who I was a couple years ago. So when she and I were on a call going through like her homework and you know, I do drop ins based on like the work we do together. And when she told me the story about the date she had and how she excused herself.

Victoria Icenhower  33:56

And that guilt, like that ego guilt came up for her and the fact that she was able to say, Nope, and turn around and go, I was so excited because that’s big. And she told me that she was able to recognize that she you know, she didn’t have to feel guilty for leaving or walking away.

Victoria Icenhower  34:16

And that she she realized her value and her worth where before we even started the work. She said that, you know, she was very drained by the dating apps. And so she the fact that she went from feeling you know, that she had to say yes to you know, all these dates just to so she wouldn’t feel that, you know, would be nice to be with someone would be nice to have a boyfriend she’s now able.

Victoria Icenhower  34:42

And she has determined that right now. That’s not her focus and that’s not really what she wants. And she’s she’s on to some really big things for her career and I’m very, very excited for her.