Why You Need Better Friends

You need better friends

We all need friends, but it’s possible you need better friends.

Social status and popularity influence who we choose as our friends. However, if you want to live a long life with lots of happiness and satisfaction, you should make sure your friends are worth your time and effort.

The old saying “you are the company you keep” remains as true now as it was when this proverb came into existence. Your friends will either help or hinder your success. So, if you’re looking for a way to improve yourself, you may need to find better people to associate with.

How Do You Know You Need Better Friends?

Toxic relationships come in as many forms as there are people. Generally, a toxic friendship is one where the other person puts you down or makes your life more difficult. If you feel someone regularly criticizes, judges, shames, and/or blames the decisions you make, then they are toxic to your well-being.

In addition to being hurtful emotionally, these kinds of friendships can often lead to you making poor decisions and even doing things that will harm your health. If a person is constantly causing drama, this can be just as bad for someone’s mental well-being and cause unnecessary drama.

How Do I End a Toxic Friendship?

It can be difficult to end a friendship with someone who has been in your life for a long time. Remind yourself that friends should make each other better people and help them achieve their dreams, not prevent those from happening!

Before ending the relationship, talk about what is going on between you two and why they are causing you so much stress. If they are willing to change their ways, it could be an indication that the friendship can be saved. There might be hope for a better future together.

If your friend is not open to changing or has already made up their mind about how things will play out between the two of you, then you may need to sever ties. It’s never easy to end a friendship, but it can be done if you remember to consider your goals and dreams. A toxic person’s behavior won’t help them come true anytime soon!

How Can I Make Better Friends?

If you’re looking for better friends as an adult or adolescent, consider the different things you can do to help you achieve your goal. First, be a better person and show people that you are worth getting to know by being more social and open with others.

Secondly, research what type of activities the friends you want might enjoy doing together. These might volunteering, going on hikes, or playing sports. Venturing out will help you find common ground where everyone feels comfortable.

Start With Your Sense of Self

Sometimes we think we deserve harmful relationships because that’s what we’re used to. However, just because something is familiar doesn’t mean it’s what’s best for you. In my book, Life After Low Self-Esteem, I talk about how a negative low self-image can affect your ability to form healthy relationships.

Even if you’ve got enough self-confidence to spare, check it out and let me know what you think!

Erase Toxicity: How to Stop Being Toxic

how to stop being toxic

Toxicity seems to surround us lately. That’s why it can be hard to figure out how to stop being toxic.

Sometimes, it seems like you’re the only one who even wants to figure it all out. Toxic behavior can be a hard thing to stop when it’s hard to identify the toxic habits you have. However, if you want to stop being toxic and become more positive in your life, these tips will help!

What is Considered Toxic Behavior?

There are many ways to be toxic, whether it is through gossiping or negative thinking. Generally, toxic behavior can be defined as anything that spreads negativity and is harmful to your wellbeing.

When someone comes into your life that has a lot of toxicity there will be moments where this person tears down all the positivity around them. When you feel like you need positivity, be mindful of the people you surround yourself with.

Despite circumstances where one may be tempted to engage in negative behaviors with others, practice mindfulness. Even with a close friend, you don’t have to give in to their negative actions. While this may be difficult at times, it’s necessary for personal growth and a more positive outlook on life.

What Are Some Examples of Toxic Behavior?

There are many different types of toxicity, such as:

• Negative thinking and pessimistic attitudes. When you notice yourself feeling negative, stop and think about why you’re feeling this way before reacting negatively.

• Gossiping. You’ll always be tempted to talk about other people, but gossip creates a negative environment for everyone involved. Instead of talking bad about other people, focus on how you can improve your own life.

• Complaining and focusing too much on the negative. Instead of complaining about how bad your life is, focus on the things you are grateful for.

• Putting others down or being mean to other people. You don’t need to be mean or negative towards others.

• Holding grudges and being resentful of others. It’s important to put your ego aside and move past the behavior of others.

• Not taking care of yourself or establishing healthy boundaries with other people. Being conscious of your thoughts and actions will help you to stop the toxicity before it starts.

What Can We Do to Stop Being Toxic?

Once you identify your toxic behaviors, you can start working towards improvement.

• Acknowledge your negative thoughts and work to replace them with positive ones. Make a list of the things you are grateful for. You can also write down positive thoughts onto sticky notes to remind yourself of the good things in life.

• Learn how to forgive, whether it be forgiving yourself or others. Holding onto negative feelings towards someone can cause mental illness and stress over time. Forgiveness is necessary for your own personal growth.

• Get comfortable with being uncomfortable and try new things! Taking risks can help you to change your perspective on life and give you a new outlook on your life.

• Stop worrying about what other people think of you and focus more on yourself!

• Spend time with positive people and make an effort to improve your relationships.

Remember Your Sense of Self

Sometimes, we take on a toxic mindset due to a low self-image. I wrote a book, Life After Low Self-Esteem, where I talked about my self-esteem struggles and how I overcame them. Check it out, and let me know how it helps you!

How to Stop Being Hyper Sensitive: Gentle Reminders

stop being hyper sensitive

Before we get into how to stop being hyper sensitive, let’s start with a reminder. You don’t need to feel ashamed.

Some people are just more sensitive than others, and that’s okay! Everyone needs to be sensitive in some way, shape, or form. However, if you find yourself overreacting, being easily offended, or crying at the drop of a hat, you may consider making some adjustments.

So what is hypersensitivity? It can be used to describe someone who is overly emotional with a tendency to take things the wrong way. Being sensitive can be beneficial in some ways, but too much sensitivity can also be detrimental to your overall well-being.

Here are some tips on how you can stop being hyper-sensitive.

Your Mood Matters

For highly sensitive people, moods can shift as quickly and often as the wind. However, when you find yourself consistently gravitating towards a negative mindset, it may be time to do some self-reflection.

It starts with honesty. How do you feel about yourself in general? What are you feeling right now? One of the most important steps in learning about your emotions involves expressing ALL of them, even the “icky” ones.

You may think what you’re feeling is silly or childish, but it’s still worth exploring. Sometimes what we feel doesn’t always match with reality, and that’s okay! But we can never learn that if we’re too ashamed to express ourselves and learn from our mistakes.

Prioritize Your Health

Speaking of mood, your overall health plays a large role in how you feel. Without good health, it’s nearly impossible to be happy in life.

When you don’t take care of your mental and physical well-being, your emotions tend to suffer. If you feel overwhelmed or tired all the time, you won’t have the energy needed to handle various situations, which may result in a negative reaction.

Everyone’s health needs are different. Generally, prioritizing your health involves:

  • Making sure you get enough sleep
  • Eating healthy balanced meals
  • Exercising regularly
  • Limiting your time in front of a screen
  • Getting social support from friends/family whenever necessary

Surround Yourself With Quality People

Highly sensitive people tend to connect with others easily. However, you need to make sure those people are high-quality.

What makes a person high-quality as opposed to toxic? Well, the best way to spot the difference is by how they make you feel. Do they encourage or discourage your emotional growth? Are they easy-going and understanding towards your sensitivities, or do they tend towards being dismissive? Can you feel free to express your feelings without feeling judged?

If you feel like the people around you are holding you back, it might be time for a change. There’s no shame in going against the crowd and making new friendships with more supportive individuals.

Recognize Control is an Illusion

If you tend to sweat the small stuff, remember this: You are not in control.

That sounds pretty New Age and trippy but stay with me. When you get in your car to start your engine, why does it start? Does it start because you MADE it start? Or does it start because every mechanical part of your vehicle aligned just right to make it possible?

What I’m getting at is there’s no point in getting upset about things that are out of our control. Because, technically, EVERYTHING is out of our control.

You may have just taken your car to get inspected and been told it’s fine. The next day? It completely falls apart. You can’t prepare for every possible bad scenario, so there’s no use stressing about what’s out of your control.

It Starts With a Sense of Self

I struggle with a low self-image and need reminders from time to time. I wrote a book, Life After Low Self-Esteem, where I discuss why it’s possible to overcome low self-esteem. Check it out, and let me know what you think!

In Case You’re Forgetting to Choose Yourself Today

You forgot to choose yourself again, didn’t you? Don’t fret. We all do it, no matter how tough we think we are. There comes a time where we need to re-calibrate and try again.

We can’t always get it right, but we can always strive for optimal growth. Let’s shift ourselves back into our center.

Some Friendly Reminders

  1. It’s okay to NOT be okay.
  2. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone.
  3. Do correct your mistakes when you’re wrong. It’s okay to be wrong.
  4. If you don’t feel supported by your friends tell them! Communicate.
  5. Your CAN achieve your goals, even if they’re far off.
  6. You deserve to see the beauty in everything without failing to see your own.
  7. Find ways to get excited, to replenish yourself, and to seek new challenges.
  8. Prioritize yourself and your needs without guilt.

We Forget Self-Care Because Our Culture Tells Us To

We work jobs where we’re penalized for taking sick days. Calling in induces panic and terror. We stress over the fact that our grief period for a loved one may exceed a week.

As a result, we become afraid of being human.

Despite contrary stimuli, you still deserve to take care of yourself. Don’t allow society to convince you otherwise. You’re not weak or needy because you need more time. Hell, we ALL need more time. You’re just the first to realize it.

Sometimes, We Don’t Think We’re Worthy

We get in a slump sometimes. We don’t believe we deserve to be happy. This can last one day or several months. It happens, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

If you can’t choose yourself because you feel unworthy, I recommend reading my book about self-esteem. These feelings can be overcome with practice and patience.

Just don’t forget that you deserve all the best in life, no matter what you feel today.

How to Express Your Feelings, Even When You’re Wrong

It may be a hidden topic you didn’t know you needed to discuss. Yet, like many, you want to know how to express your feelings, even if you feel like you’re overreacting.

There’s a specific kind of danger we associate with expressing emotions, especially when we feel our emotional response is “wrong.” We’ve been conditioned to shy away from showing our feelings to avoid being seen as weak or hysterical to others.

Research shows that suppressing emotions can lead to problems with our health and mental well-being, yet many hesitate to explore healthy ways to overcome negative emotions.

Let’s discover a few ways to express ourselves, even when we feel like we’re being irrational.

Pause & Acknowledge

When you feel an overwhelming emotion setting in, it’s time to pause instead of react. You can count to ten, take deep breaths, or even excuse yourself to take a walk.

Then, it’s time to acknowledge the event that upset you. Did someone say something that angered you? Why does it anger you? Once you pinpoint where the emotion is coming from, don’t forget that it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling.

Take Action

Now that you know why you’re feeling the way that you do, it’s time to address it. Make sure you’re calm and ready to tackle a potentially difficult subject if necessary.

For instance, if someone said something that offended you, pinpoint why it offended you and calmly explain it to the individual. It’s important to be assertive and not aggressive or passive-aggressive in your approach. There are sheets on that here.

The Discomfort Won’t Last

The best news? Over time, it’ll become much more easier to identify the source of negative emotions and properly address them. It simply takes practice and time. You’re not going to get it right every time, and that’s okay.

Be Ready to Learn

You’re going to get it wrong sometimes. You’ll make a wrong assumption about something someone said, only to feel foolish for getting upset. Don’t let that deter you. We all make mistakes, and we all jump to conclusions.

The beauty of expressing your emotions is that there’s always an opportunity to learn from these mistakes. Take advantage of these opportunities as they arise and optimize your emotional growth.

Be Ready to Grow

Now that you know how to express your feelings, put it into practice! And don’t forget to take everything one day at a time.

Many who struggle with self-expression can also suffer from low self-esteem. I wrote a fairly handy book, Life After Low Self-Esteem, about overcoming those pesky self-doubts, and I encourage you to read it!