We often think kids have it easy. They have AI programs ready to write their research papers and the vast knowledge bank that is Google at their disposal. So, we assume youth mental health struggles shouldn’t be all that prevalent. Except, they are.

Kids and teenagesr have their own unique hurdles to jump over when it comes to mental health. So, are they getting the support that they need? Are they actually more equipped than we were to handle these issues?

I interviewed Dom Okon, who revealed his experience working with at-risk youth.

Dom Okon  00:58

But what I’m seeing is kids their real struggle is in the school environment and how their kids are downplaying their struggles. And a lot of kids feel that they’re not heard. And they feel like their problems are being cast aside, because you know, their parents had it harder. So they feel like their parents aren’t understanding what’s going on in the school.

Dimitrius  01:17

We don’t give youth enough credit. In fact, we’re constantly under estimating them. And not only are we under estimating them, or downplaying the unique struggles that they encounter in our current society, I always hear about how they have it’s so much easier than we did because they have Google now, super advanced technology, so many more forms of entertainment game systems, you name it, than those of us who grew up in a pre 911 world

Dimitrius  01:46

The stereotype about today’s youth is that they’re constantly glued to their screens and don’t want to interact with the world around them. They’re just these, you know, kind of mindless zombies who can’t really do for themselves or think for themselves. But as someone who’s worked with kids for over 10 years, I don’t believe that and why? Well, because I’ve seen for myself firsthand that kids do want to play outside.

Dimitrius  02:10

They do want to interact with their peers, they do want to explore the world and learn about it. Yet, because they have so many options at their disposal, they can get easily overwhelmed or encounter things that they probably shouldn’t. I am very passionate about challenging the belief that today’s youth are lazy and unmotivated.

Dimitrius  02:29

For instance, let’s go back to when I mentioned Google, you may think, Well, kids have no excuse for struggling in school, they have all the information they could possibly need at their disposal. Well, that’s true. And it’s also not true. There’s also plenty of inappropriate content, misinformation, and non age appropriate content that they have at their fingertips as well. So they still have to be guided in the right direction, nurtured and encouraged to do their best, just like we do. So for today, I wanted to talk about my experiences with youth and mental health.

Dimitrius  03:07

And I’ll be speaking to Dom Okan, who manages a youth outreach program through Instagram. So with that, let’s just dive right in.

Dimitrius  03:17

Welcome to the Dimitrius show, where I learned how to walk through my shadows, picking the flowers I’ve grown through sheer resilience. And I may not know enough yet to start teaching, but I’m going to keep convincing you to keep pushing. I I’m Dimitrius and this is my life after speaking.

Dimitrius  03:46

According to cdc.gov, there has been a steady increase in children aged six to 17 being diagnosed with depression and anxiety. nearly eight in 10. Children with depression receive treatment, six and 10 with anxiety, five and 10 with behavior disorders. In adolescence, it gets a bit more complicated.

Dimitrius  04:08

We start encountering substance abuse, suicide and alcohol abuse between the years 2018 and 2019 of the teenagers between the ages of 12 and 17, who were surveyed, about 36.7% of them reported that they had persistent feelings of sadness and hopelessness.

Dimitrius  04:28

So if I had 100 teenagers in the room, at least 36 of them would tell me they felt this way. That’s a lot. Today I spoke with Dom OKon, the creator of a youth organization known as Calmly Advice, who operates out of Instagram. I wanted to pick his brain on his unique approach to youth outreach. So let’s bring him on.

Dom Okon  04:47

Hello, I’m Dom Okon. I’m a musician and I have a youth organization also. The name is Calmly Advice.

Dimitrius  04:55

And where can we find you on social media?

Dom Okon  04:58

Instagram. Tik Tok. I’m Snapchat, but I use Instagram the most: @domokonofficial.

Dimitrius  05:05

Awesome. Wonderful. So Dom, where are you located?

Dom Okon  05:10

New Jersey, near Adrienne city in New Jersey.

Dimitrius  05:14

So I’ve been to Newark, I think I think that’s the airport that I flew into. I was supposed to be going to New York City. But I believe we were staying in New Jersey at the time. And I’m in Texas. So it was really interesting seeing the difference and how everything is kind of so close together compared to here where one city is just super spread out. So that was fine. Yeah, pretty close. Oh, yeah, it is. Definitely, definitely. So I just want to go ahead and get into it. So today, our discussion is going to be about mental health for youth. And you mentioned that you have an organization. So tell me, what type of work do you do for the youth exactly?

Dom Okon  05:55

So I started up Calmly Advice in February of this year. And basically what we do, it’s a student run organization. And we help promote young youth stuff to kids. So mental health tips, ways to better hygiene or things like even for school, because I know some people they struggle in school, because of their mental health. So tips for that, too. And it’s basically a place where we upload advice. And we also let kids work together to help promote advice as well.

Dimitrius  06:29

Wonderful. So what is a typical day for you?

Dom Okon  06:32

So because I’m the founder of the organization, usually a typical day is receiving emails about like, a new post that we’re gonna post on Instagram, or a new thing that we’re going to upload on our Instagram, so maybe like a new service or new newsletters or something like that.

06:50

And how many people? So do you have people that work for you? Or how does that work?

Dom Okon  06:54

Yes, so it’s kind of separated into three groups. We have youth ambassadors, these people help promote our youth organization and get the message out there to the public. And then we have writers, so they write the posts that we post on our organization’s website, or on our Instagram. So they help write all that stuff. And then we have chapter leaders who review what the writers write.

Dimitrius  07:18

Okay. And so in your work with youth, are there any trends that you’re noticing, as far as what we would consider something that we can look more into?

Dom Okon  07:30

I probably say we need to look more into, especially like the school environment. So kids in school, we always overlook how kids learn now and how it’s easier because they have Google and things like that.

Dom Okon  07:43

But what I’m seeing is, kids, the real struggle is in the school environment, and how their kids are downplaying their struggles. And a lot of kids feel that they’re not heard. And they feel like their problems are being cast aside, because you know, their parents had it harder.

Dom Okon  07:59

So they feel like their parents aren’t understanding what’s going on in the school. And when they get a bad grade, the parents don’t sympathize with them. Because you know, there’s good content out there. So they expect everything to be very easy for them. And it’s not.

Dimitrius  08:11

That’s a good point. That’s something I wouldn’t have thought of that with the kind of unlimited or seemingly unlimited resources out there, that we think they should have it easier. I can definitely, I can see that as well. So if you’ve interacted with youth, what would you say would be your most difficult experience?

Dom Okon  08:32

I’d probably say like, the most difficult topic we’ve had to cover, maybe it’s like suicide or things like that, or in the sports realm, maybe like athletic burnout, because a lot of kids complain about being burnt out in their sport and how their coaches mismanaged them or they don’t treat them correctly. Or sometimes the coaches expect so much from them, that they feel guilty when they don’t provide or they don’t do enough for their team when it’s killing them. Oh,

Dimitrius  08:59

Goodness. Okay. So what are some of the solutions that you’ve provided for youth who are experiencing those scenarios?

Dom Okon  09:08

So like I said before, Calmly Advice, it’s really known to give advice to the youth and to teens that need it. And basically what we do, we create new newsletters, to inform teen on ways to manage the stress that maybe a coach is putting on them or their TV, or maybe in school, and we also get the links and share websites that they can use, like for better sleep. We have that on our link tree. If you want to sleep better, I think calm has something to help you calm down, things like that.

Dimitrius  09:41

So have you received any feedback from these newsletters, these resources that you’ve been sending out?

Dom Okon  09:48

Yes, some kids are really appreciative of the work that we do. And they actually asked even sometimes to join our team like to be a chapter leader where youth in foster care or a writer so they can help Be a part of the change because this is very big to us, teens to us kids.

Dom Okon  10:07

And that’s why I started it. Because a lot of teens, they feel this way. And they also feel like, if they speak out about it, they’re considered odd or something like that. I don’t explain it like this organization really helps them express the true things that they’re hiding inside that people don’t understand around them.

Dimitrius  10:25

Got it. So what’s the minimum age requirement for being like a chapter leader or writer?

Dom Okon  10:31

So most chapter leaders, writers, Youth Ambassadors are around the ages of 14 to 18. So high school, and then we do have some that are in college. So really, it’s just high school and college.

Dimitrius  10:41

So what inspired you to start this organization?

Dom Okon  10:45

So this organization started in February of this year, and I really started it only like a year after COVID, because 2021 and 2020, we were going through the brunt of COVID.

Dom Okon  10:56

So I guess that’s what started Calmly Advice was COVID. And what I went through personally, and then what people around me, the eyewitness also went through. So I decided to create an organization to help people because I thought it couldn’t be the only one that was having issues.

Dom Okon  11:12

And some people like now that I created this organization and connect with them. I see that they have it worse that they’re going through something that I couldn’t even imagine.

Dimitrius  11:21

And do you interact with any of the parents?

Dom Okon  11:25

Not really I mean, one person, their parents emailed saying thank you like, their child feels so included because they’re, I think a writer, but that’s about it. Parents usually don’t input much for our organization.

Dimitrius  11:40

So for the remainder of this episode, I want to reiterate the trigger warning that plays at the beginning of all my episodes, I’m going to be talking about my experience working with youth who were experiencing severe mental health crises and trauma.

Dimitrius  11:56

And this may be a little bit much for certain listeners. So if you have a hard time with this subject, I wanted to make sure you were aware before we proceed. About midway through my time spent working with youth, I got a position as an intervention specialist at a facility for at risk youth.

Dimitrius  12:12

The population consisted of children and teens who were removed from their homes by CPS, as well as children and teens who were detained at the Texas Mexico border. The children detained at the border majority of the time weren’t from Mexico. They were usually from Honduras, and El Salvador.

Dimitrius  12:29

Both of these countries are listed as having the highest murder rates in the world. According to the World Population review, El Salvador is ranked number one, while Honduras is ranked number two, these children are often unaccompanied, and they reported that they made the journey alone.

Dimitrius  12:44

So as you can imagine, they were constantly at risk of being trafficked, sexually abused and killed. Yet as I learned from a lot of them, the choice was either to flee or die. The facility I worked at was meant to be a transitional space, people would always ask me, So you work at a foster shelter.

Dimitrius  13:00

But that isn’t exactly what it was. The youth we house were meant to be assessed receive medical treatment, and for caseworkers to figure out the next steps. Whether that was reunification with parents living with extended relatives, or being transitioned to a foster home or shelter.

Dimitrius  13:18

I saw and witnessed a lot of trauma pretty much daily, I have a high tolerance for a lot of things. But it was difficult to look at some of these youth and know what it was they had been through. Most of them needed a lot of help, where even I with all my years of experience and qualifications couldn’t even scratch the surface on So myself and many of my co workers we often clocked out for the day and wondered if we were even making a difference. What was our purpose there?

Dimitrius  13:44

Now, of course, the children had counselors, doctors, medical professionals, you name it, but they also needed people to just interact with they needed people who weren’t trying to pick them apart and project them, if that makes sense. And more than anything, they needed to feel safe.

Dimitrius  14:00

So we had a group of youth during the beginning of my time at this facility, there was a boy who I will call JJ that’s not his real name, but I won’t be using any of their real names. He was about 15 years old, but developmentally he was about eight or nine. He was very tall, super loud, but very sweet. He would also occasionally talk to himself and hear voices. I won’t go into detail, but it was very clear that he endured quite a bit of abuse, just from me interacting with him. But as I mentioned, he was very sweet, very helpful.

Dimitrius  14:32

He always wanted to do the right thing when the children at the facility went to school every day. And when he got back he usually didn’t have any homework. And of course I made them all show me their folders and I checked backpacks on No, I don’t play, but he’d always ask if there was something he could do to help out the staff. So I’ve given him some responsibility just to keep them occupied.

Dimitrius  14:52

We had a young black girl who I will call Mavis. She was about nine years old and she was quite a character. She She loves to cuss. And she was really good at it. She was better than me almost. And she loved to sing all the songs with bad words in them.

Dimitrius  15:08

So I had to constantly get onto her. And I would tell her, Look, I cuss a lot when I’m not at work, I get it. cuss words are fun, but I’m an adult, it’s not appropriate for you to be saying them. And if I’m able to not cuss when I come to work every day, then you can get it together, right. And of course, she’d apologized and go right back to cussing the next day.

Dimitrius  15:30

So one of the newer staff, he was a college graduate, and he had never worked with kids before. So of course, she took advantage of that and got him to take her to the computer lab. She knew she was forbidden mostly by me from going in there. Because she always tried to watch inappropriate stuff on YouTube. But apparently she’d had an entire rap City marathon that day. Because when I got to work, she was just walking around the kitchen, the dining room, and she was singing.

Dimitrius  15:58

You want to see some ass? I want to see some cash. Make It Rain trick. Make it make it rain trick, JJ, of course thought it was the funniest thing on earth. I’d never seen him laughing that hard before he was on the floor rolling around. The other kids were just like, oh my gosh, I can’t believe she’s doing this.

Dimitrius  16:17

And I’m like, Are you serious? Right now? My coworker was like, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know that’s what she was listening to. She had her headphones on or something. So then she got the Spanish speaking kids to start singing it. So those were like their first words right in English, if they ever learned where you want to see some ass. I was so pissed.

Dimitrius  16:40

But nobody could get her to stop cussing. So finally, I was like, Look, you can sing the song, but you have to bleep yourself out. Can you do that? And you know what? She said? Oh my God, that sounds fine. Hold on. You want to see some beep? I want to see some beep make it rain. I was like, you’ve got to be kidding me. But she stopped cussing. So I was okay with it.

Dimitrius  17:01

We then one day got these two brothers. They were from Honduras. I’ll call them Augustine and Miguel. Augustine was 15. And Miguel was 14. I was working in overnight shift and I didn’t know we’d done intake for them because it wasn’t in this shift change notes.

Dimitrius  17:16

So I’m cleaning up the boys side folding clothes, making sure everyone’s asleep. I go to check the bathrooms to make sure they’re clean. And I hear this voice in the dark go, “Bano, por favor. Bano, bano!” And I nearly jumped out of my skin. And I was about to throw whatever I had in my hand at whoever it was. I thought it was my coworker because he loved to play joke’s on me all the time.

Dimitrius  17:38

So I turned around and I looked down and there’s this little boy looking at me and he doesn’t look any older than Mavis, he looks about eight or nine. So I was like, Oh my gosh, “Como te llama?” And he said Augustine and it like deep voice. And I was like oh my god, that was you. So of course I was like yes, yes, go to the bathroom.

Dimitrius  17:56

So Augustine was really quiet at first and didn’t cause any issues. His brother Miguel, on the other hand was like super disrespectful. He stayed cussing us out in Spanish and not wanting to do what we asked him to do. Augustine, again, he was pretty quiet. And usually Miguel would speak for him. Another thing I noticed was that they always asked to be in my group. I usually had the older CPS kids since I didn’t speak Spanish.

Dimitrius  18:22

And so I told them in what little Spanish I knew or could translate on my phone. I was like, Don’t think because I speak English, that I’m not watching or I can’t tell what’s going on. And of course, they laughed and probably call me all kinds of bitches and hoes in Spanish.

Dimitrius  18:37

But anyway, so as an intervention specialist, we had a lot of responsibilities, but mainly just being caregivers. We made sure the kids got cleaned up, they were fed had a place to sleep, did their homework, administer medication, we did it all. So I learned how to change diapers, how to treat head lice, what to do if there’s a bedbug infestation, the whole shebang, we also had to prepare meals.

Dimitrius  19:01

Usually we had volunteers bring us stuff and we would just reheat it. But sometimes on the weekends, in particular, we’d have to make breakfast. And I usually volunteer to do that. So again, the people that I worked with were either fresh out of college, or they were super spoiled, so they never really had to cook for themselves. So I didn’t mind making things like oatmeal, bacon and eggs, and I usually knew who preferred what I knew.

Dimitrius  19:27

JJ always wanted seconds, and he was super tall and growing 15. So I just set aside another plate for him. Mavis would pretend to have a stomachache all day until it was time for dessert, of course, so I had her number. Miguel pretty much ate what you put in front of him. And Augustine would say gracias in his deep little voice and scare the crap out of me.

Dimitrius  19:46

Usually even if he’d had some behavioral issues that day, Augustine was pretty polite, I will say. Well, after a few weeks, we noticed Augustine started to get kind of aggressive. He got into fights. He wasn’t listening anymore. And he was all So talking to himself. So his brother Miguel saw what was happening and told one of my co workers what was really going on.

Dimitrius  20:07

He had been like this for a long time, before coming to the United States, they had both watched people be murdered right in front of them. Many times. He knew his brother was struggling. So he didn’t want to leave his side. And he tried to do all the talking for him, so that people wouldn’t catch on to what was happening with his brother. So that was why they were in my group all the time.

Dimitrius  20:32

Because they didn’t want us to find out and send him away and permanently separate them. So one day, I think he’d been really off the chain. And I was like, Nope, you don’t get cupcakes for dessert. You don’t get nothing. So he came up to the window, and he asked me for one anyway, I said, No. And he said something in Spanish, and he walked off with Miguel.

Dimitrius  20:50

And my coworker told me, yeah, he just told you to eat shit. And I was like, Okay, well, you still ain’t getting no cupcake. In fact, I might just eat it right here in front of you, to be honest, cuz no. Well, a few minutes past and he came back up to the window. And he said, I’m sorry, in English. Then he went back to sit with Miguel. Once I got done cleaning, I went to sit at one of the tables and kind of check what everyone was doing.

Dimitrius  21:12

Everyone else was kind of sitting on the couches and watching TV, but I noticed Augustine was sitting by himself at the tables. We had just cleaned them off, and we’re about to get ready to send everyone to start taking showers and getting ready for bed. So I sat next to him and asked him if he was okay. He nodded. And I pulled up my phone and gotten Google Translate.

Dimitrius  21:34

And I figured out how to say to him, you’re not a bad kid. He said “Gracias” and went to go sit with Miguel. After a few more incidents, he did end up having to be admitted to a behavioral health hospital. And I remember he was very angry with us. He said we were trying to send him away. He wouldn’t let anyone get near him for about an hour.

Dimitrius  21:52

I think it was midnight before we finally managed to get him packed up. And on his way, Miguel told us he was thankful that he was getting the help that he needed. But of course, I mean, he’s 14, he didn’t take it well. He thought they were going to be separated forever. And he just became very withdrawn. He stayed with my group, just like he’d been doing for the majority of the time. But he just wouldn’t say or do much.

Dimitrius  22:15

Well, eventually, Augustine did come back and he was prescribed medication was going to therapy, all that. Now I didn’t usually pass meds. Usually there was a staff that was kind of more of a veteran, seasoned. And she did that primarily during shift change. And in the mornings and the evenings, but I remember getting to work one day and my coworker who normally did them call me over.

Dimitrius  22:38

I said, Hey, what’s going on? She said, I know you don’t normally but can you give Augustine his meds? He said he won’t take them from anyone but you, and I watched her try to call him over and he was just very non compliant. He just wouldn’t do it. So I was like, Okay, I mean, I don’t know what makes me more trustworthy than anyone else here.

Dimitrius  22:55

But I switched places with her and he quietly walked over, didn’t make a fuss and he took his meds. He was very compliant. He opened up his mouth for me so I can make sure he’d swallowed his pills. And he did it without me asking, handed me his cup, and he went back to sit down.

Dimitrius  23:10

So from then on, I was cooking, cleaning, and I was giving these kids their meds, doing it all honey. So I mentioned how we didn’t usually have problems out of JJ. He was usually very helpful and calm, even though he’d occasionally talk to himself and hear voices.

Dimitrius  23:25

So I don’t know what upset him or triggered him this particular night. I knew he’d had a rough day at school. And his therapist told us he was a lot less compliant during her session. But I remember it was just after dinnertime. He just started yelling and cussing and throwing things. And Mavis was sitting at his table, and he grabbed her by the hair and was just pulling, and she was screaming and crying and trying to fight them off of her.

Dimitrius  23:49

So we’re rushing to get him off of her. And remember I said this kid’s pretty tall, kid’s 15. So we had to be very careful. I ended up having to do the restraint and calm him down. Once he did calm down, it was like a light switch went off and he realized what he’d done. And he just broke down crying.

Dimitrius  24:05

My supervisor went ahead and told us to get him ready to be taken to the same behavioral health hospital that Augustine had gone to. And this wasn’t just because of this incident. Apparently, this had already been in the works. But it was now expedited to that evening. I remember at helping him pack because he seemed to still be pretty responsive to me. So we didn’t want to set him off or anything.

Dimitrius  24:25

So I was pretty much one on one with him while my co workers and supervisors took care of everyone else’s meds and putting people to bed. Well, Augustine and Miguel came to where I was outside of JJs room and my co worker ran over and was like, stop, stop, you know, come back, come back and apologized because she knew I kind of had my hands full.

Dimitrius  24:47

But I knew they weren’t really there to cause trouble. I think they just wanted to see what was going on. So I told her Hey, just let them sit here for a minute. And I’ll bring them back here when I get JJ settled. So she went back and the staff there, right. Then Miguel looked at me and said, “JJ hospital, he is going?” and I nodded my head and said yes.

Dimitrius  25:10

Then without saying anything else, they went in JJs room and they started helping him pack his stuff, and they walked with us to the door. I rode with JJ to the hospital to do his intake. Usually, we’d either take them ourselves, or we’d go along with them.

Dimitrius  25:22

When we got back, Miguel and Augustine were still awake. They had been up the whole time. And they just wanted to make sure he was okay. JJ eventually came back, he had his meds adjusted, and we went back into our usual routine. But I remember one day Miguel was sitting with me. I think he just wanted something to do. And he was helping me cut out snowflakes. So he looks at me and he goes, “You are gay? Yes?”

Dimitrius  25:48

And I was like, Whoa, Record scratch, like, What are you talking about? So I told him, I’m not going to talk to you about that. Not appropriate, right? But he put his hands up. And he was like, “No, no, no, no, no.” He said, “I respect you, whether you gay or not. I hope other people respect you.” And I said, Thank you, we’re still not gonna talk about it. But okay.

Dimitrius  26:11

And I remember Augustine was sitting at the other table with his back to us because he was doing something, I guess, playing cards or something. And he turned around, he looked at me, and he said, “Yes,” and he turned back around, I have never forgotten any of them. And I don’t think I ever will.

Dimitrius  26:27

And I hope with every ounce of my being that they are okay, that they are safe, and that they continue to get the help that they need. These kids do not have it easy at all. There is no magical cure for the struggles that we face, much less what they face, no matter how much technology has advanced, or how much we’ve progressed since our childhood, because even with Google, and all the apps and gadgets in my phone, there were plenty of days where I could do very little for this group of kids.

Dimitrius  27:00

I would leave work so many days feeling like I wasn’t helping them, that I wasn’t doing my job and that I was failing them sometimes. But the fact of the matter is that our youth get exposed to so much more than we did. And despite the advancements we’ve made as a society, mental health care for youth is still a very delicate and complex undertaking. It is not something to take lightly. Kids may seem like they have everything but they need adults who make them feel safe, and wanted more than ever.