“Why did he ghost me?” is a question so many of us have asked ourselves. It seems like we’re already locked in a perpetual quest for men who actually take us seriously. So, when they dip, we understandably spiral a bit.

I received a letter from an anonymous woman who was recently ghosted by a guy she was interested in. While I’ve published a guide on how to get over being ghosted, I wanted to specifically answer her question and provide some insight.

Ms. Ghosted Woman

Ghosted Woman Says: 

“Hey D,

I was talking to a guy who was actually consistent or so I thought. He ghosted me out of nowhere after a solid week of us talking every single day. 

All of a sudden it was radio silence. No replies, and now my texts show up as green, so I’m thinking I’ve been blocked. I just don’t get why guys do this.”

Answered: “Why Did He Ghost Me?”

Hey Ghosted Woman, 

It’s so frustrating when guys abruptly stop communicating like this. I completely understand why you’re concerned. You think everything is going great, then poof! All of a sudden, the person you’re talking to, who seemed really into you, is gone in an instant..

And unfortunately, this is all-to-common in the dating sphere. It’s so easy to press a button and revoke someone’s access to you these days. We forget that, behind those text message screens, there are real people left wondering and, worst of all, hurt by the action.

There’s a lot of reasons guys just vanish like this, but I’ll give you my thoughts based on what you’ve told me.

He’s Emotionally Immature

Emotionally immature people lack the self-awareness to recognize and effectively analyze their emotions let alone express them. He could have felt overwhelmed or exhausted from having to maintain contact with you. Life happens, right? We have jobs, bills, families, etc, that can quickly devour our free time.

Except, instead of communicating this, he chose an “easier” route of just disconnecting with you altogether. For him, taking this path ensures he can avoid potential conflict or having to explain himself. Emotionally mature people understand the importance of communication and are open to feedback and working through disagreements.

He’s Already in a Relationship 

I could absolutely be reaching here, but it happens. While you’re worried about why he blocked you out of nowhere, he might not have been available to you anyway. 

People cheat for a variety of reasons. Yet, most of those reasons have less to do with you and more to do with him lying to and violating the trust of his partner. Once he realized he was in danger of being found out, it’s absolutely possible he’d block you to cover his tracks.

His Ex is Back in the Picture

Perhaps he actually was single and wasn’t stringing you along. In fact, he might have continued to pursue you if he wasn’t still hung up on his ex. Except, he is still hung up on his ex, and they’re now back in the picture. 

And because the two of you likely have far less history than he and his ex, I’m sure you can work the rest out. He had a choice between something new and something familiar. He chose familiar.

He’s Got An Avoidant Attachment Style

Social media has worn this topic out, but there’s still a case to be made regarding attachment styles. People with avoidant attachment styles are both highly self-sufficient and highly un-self-aware when it comes to their own emotions. They long for close connections, but they struggle because emotions are scary and messy.

That’s not to say it excuses their behavior, but let’s remember most men aren’t taught how to identify and express their emotions. And the common theme I’ve been repeating is that men who ghost want an easy way out. Avoiding you instead of being open is definitely the easier route.

He Simply Wants Someone Else

Basically, if you don’t want to unpack my slightly-armchair-psychoanalysis above, here’s an easier, though brutal answer; You’re just not the one he wants. 

Callous as it sounds (and is), people can be fickle with their tastes. It could be that, at one point, you were under consideration. However, he could have realized that he wanted someone else. 

Important Things to Remember

So, hopefully, you’re not still asking yourself, “Why did he ghost me?” I’ve given you a few (sometimes bleak, I’m sure) reasons he ghosted, right? Now, let’s flip things around and focus on how we can move on from this unfortunate event. Methods to consider:

• You’re allowed to be upset and acknowledge how you feel.
• This doesn’t mean that you’re not good enough!
• You don’t need to reach out to him for closure.
• Do reach out to your support system.
• Use this as an opportunity to channel your emotions into a hobby or passion.
• Volunteer, join interest groups, and connect with new people.

Now, the volunteering part might sound like a little much at first. However, some of the best connections, romantic or otherwise, happen in these spaces. 

You’re surrounded by folks with shared interests. And, unlike dating apps, you’re getting immediate, face-to-face interactions instead of through a virtual environment. There’s no need to worry about catfishing or awkward first encounters. You get to be your wonderful, authentic self and take out a lot of the guess work of online dating.

“Why Did He Ghost Me?” Other Ways to Cope

As someone who has been ghosted before, it can definitely take a toll on your self-worth. You find yourself wondering what went wrong or what you could have done differently. 

When I get stuck in my head and start to doubt myself, I turn to my worksheets. When I was ghosted recently, the “Challenging Core Beliefs”, “Resolving Negative Thoughts,” and “50 Things You Appreciate About Life” worksheets helped me out the most. 

And, if you’re needing a little more help with your self-worth, you can always grab a copy of Life After Low Self-Esteem. I go into a lot more detail about challenging negative self-talk and coming out on top!