How to Stop Being Hyper Sensitive: Gentle Reminders

stop being hyper sensitive

Before we get into how to stop being hyper sensitive, let’s start with a reminder. You don’t need to feel ashamed.

Some people are just more sensitive than others, and that’s okay! Everyone needs to be sensitive in some way, shape, or form. However, if you find yourself overreacting, being easily offended, or crying at the drop of a hat, you may consider making some adjustments.

So what is hypersensitivity? It can be used to describe someone who is overly emotional with a tendency to take things the wrong way. Being sensitive can be beneficial in some ways, but too much sensitivity can also be detrimental to your overall well-being.

Here are some tips on how you can stop being hyper-sensitive.

Your Mood Matters

For highly sensitive people, moods can shift as quickly and often as the wind. However, when you find yourself consistently gravitating towards a negative mindset, it may be time to do some self-reflection.

It starts with honesty. How do you feel about yourself in general? What are you feeling right now? One of the most important steps in learning about your emotions involves expressing ALL of them, even the “icky” ones.

You may think what you’re feeling is silly or childish, but it’s still worth exploring. Sometimes what we feel doesn’t always match with reality, and that’s okay! But we can never learn that if we’re too ashamed to express ourselves and learn from our mistakes.

Prioritize Your Health

Speaking of mood, your overall health plays a large role in how you feel. Without good health, it’s nearly impossible to be happy in life.

When you don’t take care of your mental and physical well-being, your emotions tend to suffer. If you feel overwhelmed or tired all the time, you won’t have the energy needed to handle various situations, which may result in a negative reaction.

Everyone’s health needs are different. Generally, prioritizing your health involves:

  • Making sure you get enough sleep
  • Eating healthy balanced meals
  • Exercising regularly
  • Limiting your time in front of a screen
  • Getting social support from friends/family whenever necessary

Surround Yourself With Quality People

Highly sensitive people tend to connect with others easily. However, you need to make sure those people are high-quality.

What makes a person high-quality as opposed to toxic? Well, the best way to spot the difference is by how they make you feel. Do they encourage or discourage your emotional growth? Are they easy-going and understanding towards your sensitivities, or do they tend towards being dismissive? Can you feel free to express your feelings without feeling judged?

If you feel like the people around you are holding you back, it might be time for a change. There’s no shame in going against the crowd and making new friendships with more supportive individuals.

Recognize Control is an Illusion

If you tend to sweat the small stuff, remember this: You are not in control.

That sounds pretty New Age and trippy but stay with me. When you get in your car to start your engine, why does it start? Does it start because you MADE it start? Or does it start because every mechanical part of your vehicle aligned just right to make it possible?

What I’m getting at is there’s no point in getting upset about things that are out of our control. Because, technically, EVERYTHING is out of our control.

You may have just taken your car to get inspected and been told it’s fine. The next day? It completely falls apart. You can’t prepare for every possible bad scenario, so there’s no use stressing about what’s out of your control.

It Starts With a Sense of Self

I struggle with a low self-image and need reminders from time to time. I wrote a book, Life After Low Self-Esteem, where I discuss why it’s possible to overcome low self-esteem. Check it out, and let me know what you think!

7 Relaxation Ideas for the Holidays

7 relaxation ideas for the holidays

As the weather gets colder and darker approach, stress can reign supreme. Unsurprisingly, we need relaxation ideas for the holidays! Whether it’s shopping for gifts or dealing with family drama, the holidays can be a stressful time that leaves you in need of some relaxation.

Thankfully, you can find ways to relieve stress and relax this season, from aromatherapy to yoga! Let’s get into 6 relaxation ideas for the holidays.

  1. Set up a spa night at home with your friends or family. You can all get cozy together in robes and slippers, light some candles, eat snacks, and watch movies! Use this as a perfect way to bond with others during this holiday season.
  2. Go on a hike! The fresh air will help you feel more relaxed and refreshed.
  3. A nice long bubble bath helps to relax your mind and body. The holidays come with plenty of chaotic energy, especially the shopping and get togethers. Just don’t fall asleep in the tub!
  4. Try a yoga or dance class. These are excellent ways to relieve stress and release the holiday energy that’s trapped inside of you!
  5. Take some time to yourself during these holidays, whether it be for one hour or 24 hours. Just make sure you’re taking care of yourself by doing things like eating right and getting enough sleep.
  6. Get out of the house and go for a drive! This is an excellent way to get some fresh air, clear your mind, and release that holiday energy you’ve got stored up inside of you. You can even turn on some music if it helps put you in the mood!
  7. If all else fails, just take a nap. Sometimes you need to just take some time for yourself, recharge your batteries, and get ready to tackle the next holiday task at hand.

Conclusion

There are plenty of ways to relieve stress this holiday season. Whether it’s aromatherapy, yoga or another form of relaxation, your body will thank you for giving yourself some time off! Relaxation is not only good for the holidays. It can also be great year round.

How to Deal With Holiday Depression

how to deal with holiday depression

It’s that time of year again. For some, it’s their favorite season. For others, they just want to know how to deal with holiday depression.

The holidays represent a time of joy and happiness. However, some people experience negative feelings during this time of year due to holiday depression. This can be caused by the stress or pressure that comes with gift giving, family obligations, social expectations, food cravings, among other things.

If you feel down during the holidays take the time to learn how to deal with your emotions in order to enjoy the season without being weighed down by sadness.

Identify Your Triggers

The first thing to do? Start by identifying what triggers your holiday depression. What causes it? Is there a specific type of food that always makes you crave more sweets, or does watching certain TV shows make you feel sad and lonely? The sooner you know what sets off your negative emotions, the sooner you can take steps to avoid them.

Identify Your Fears and Doubts

It’s not just specific triggers that are causing your holiday depression. You can also be harboring the underlying fears and doubts. Depression often accompanies these feelings.

For example, if you have a fear of not having enough money or gifts for people then you will likely feel a lot of pressure to spend more money or give away nicer gifts, which can cause feelings of sadness and failure.

Identify Things You Love About the Season

Lastly you need to take time out each day to stop and think about what you love about this holiday season. What do you enjoy most? It could be time with your family, spending time outside, or giving back to people in need.

Make sure that you take the time each day to stop and appreciate what is important to you about this season so that it can lift up your mood instead of dragging you down.

Keeping these tips in mind will help you deal with holiday depression so that you can enjoy the season with less stress.

4 Ways to Stop Being Insecure in a Relationship

stop being insecure in a relationship

It should be so simple to stop being insecure in a relationship, right? Sadly, though, it’s one of the most common things that ruin them.

Whether it be insecurity in oneself or just being insecure about a partner, insecurity can quickly turn a relationship sour.

So, what should we do about it? Here are four ways to stop being insecure in a relationship.

Identify It and Be Honest

The first step in dealing with negative emotions involves honesty. You won’t get anywhere if you can’t admit the truth. Your partner can’t read your mind, no matter how strong your bond is. That’s why it’s important to be able to immediately recognize what you’re feeling.

We hesitate to admit tough feelings because we think it makes us look weak or hysterical. However, your partner should fully support you and respect your feelings. Once you’ve determined what emotion you’re feeling, accept it. Allow it. Then get ready to address it.

Don’t Assume the Worst

It’s easy to think bringing up negative emotions with your partner will inevitably lead to the demise of your relationship. We think a happy pairing means being happy ALL the time.

It’s why we ask people in relationships or marriages “Are you happy?” We think in extremes. You’re either in a state of perpetual bliss, or you’re a miserable rain cloud. So we fool ourselves into thinking perpetual happiness is the goal.

Except, you won’t be happy ALL the time, even in general. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t still claim it. Happiness is about being happy as a majority, not as an absolute. It’s impossible to be happy all the time, so don’t give up on your partner just because you feel insecure. Use it as an opportunity to strengthen the bonds of your relationship.

Talk About It

Once you know what’s eating at you, talk to your partner about it. Communication is a two-way street in any relationship. Help your partner out by giving them some direction as to where your mind is headed at the moment. It’ll give them a chance to help you out and encourage dialogue.

Both partners need to understand what’s going on for a relationship to work out. That means talking about your feelings and allowing your partner to talk about theirs just as openly.

The goal is to make sure you’re both on the same page. Once you understand what’s going on, it’ll be easier for your partner to reassure and comfort you if they know exactly why they need to do so.

Expressed vs. Implied Expectations

Remember that your partner can’t read your mind? Let’s dig into that a little bit more. One of the most common causes of insecurity in a relationship comes from one partner feeling like the other takes them for granted.

As a result, one-half of the relationship can become resentful of the other. That resentment then breeds insecurity regarding the future of the relationship. As a result, that insecurity eventually boils over into a future meltdown.

So why does this happen? I’ll tell you.

9 times out of 10 we don’t express our expectations. We imply them. We expect our partners to know exactly how we want to be loved, respected, and nurtured. If they don’t automatically pick up on our love language, we assume they never will or that they have no interest in doing so. Except (and I had to learn this myself), this isn’t like a movie.

Prince Charming doesn’t swoop in, save you, and then you both live happily ever after with no problems. Sometimes, both of you are gonna get it wrong. That’s okay!

But instead of throwing your hands up in the air, consider expressing your expectations instead. If you expect your partner to contribute to household chores WITHOUT being told, express that. Want your alone time when you get home from work? Express that. Feel like your partner should step in regarding an in-law overstepping your boundaries? Express. It.

You can’t always will something to change. You have to speak up.

Lastly? Time…

No one said finding a way to stop being insecure in a relationship was going to be easy. You’ll feel exhausted some days as you continue to work through your emotions together.

However, it’s an important part of any healthy relationship. If you want things to work out in the long term, your partner should be able to address and help resolve whatever insecurity is plaguing both of you.

How to Stop Being Lazy: 6 Gentle Reminders

how to stop being lazy

Almost everyone wants to know how to stop being lazy. We live in a culture that worships productivity and “pulling ourselves up by the bootstraps.”

How many times have you been told that if you want to change your life, all you need is a little motivation? People make it sound so easy, right? But it’s not, is it?

There are so many external factors in our lives that can get in the way of us succeeding. They can come from work or even family commitments. Maybe you already have the motivation, and you just need to take action.

So, how do we do it?

Let’s discuss some strategies designed to take big tasks and turn them into small steps. Sometimes it helps to break things apart instead of letting them loom over us!

Recognize Why Laziness Hurts More Than Helps

Laziness can make us feel guilty and stressed. It also affects our self-esteem because we know that we aren’t fulfilling our potential, which makes it harder to take action in the future. In addition, laziness hurts other people too, especially if your job requires you to be efficient and reliable.

Make Yourself a List

Figuring out how to stop being lazy doesn’t happen overnight. In fact, it not only takes time; it takes planning. That’s why making a list goes a long way! You may feel overwhelmed when you first look at it. That’s normal! The idea, though, is to make the bigger tasks smaller. By doing so, you’ll find yourself less overwhelmed and more motivated.

Take Action Sooner Rather Than Later

Say it with me: stop procrastinating. By letting tasks accumulate, we only end up making them more difficult to get done. It also affects our self-esteem, as mentioned before. So, take action act right away, even if we are not feeling motivated or inspired at the moment.

Tackle Things One at a Time

Multi-tasking is one of the biggest causes of laziness, and it usually hurts our end result before it improves it. Instead, focus on just one task at a time before moving on to the next one. Finishing small tasks usually creates a feeling of momentum. As a result, you may find yourself doing more than you intended in the first place.

Do It Even When You Don’t Feel Like Doing It

Taking action when you don’t feel like doing anything can be tough. As a society, we’re exhausted and have enough on our plate. So, we let our responsibilities pile up while we figure out ways to avoid them until we feel like dealing with them.

But are you really going to feel any better if you wait? Is having a mountain of tasks and little time to do them any better? Even though you’re tired, find the time to complete your list. Waiting doesn’t make it easier. It makes the tasks seem bigger.

Starting is Usually the Hard Part

Sometimes, your biggest roadblock involves simply getting started. That previously-mentioned momentum doesn’t come out of nowhere. You have to get up and get on it! So, how do you get on it? Remember your list and the idea behind the list.

For example, instead of thinking “I have so much laundry to do” think “Let me load the washer.” Once you’ve done that, the hardest part’s over! Now, just use the momentum to finish your overall goal.

Be Patient

Also? Remember to be kind to yourself. Learning how to stop being lazy won’t happen overnight. You’ll have days where you only complete step one before burning out. That’s normal. Just try to push yourself to do more than you WANT to do. The rest will fall into place.

The truth is, you can’t just “motivate” yourself out of being lazy. It’s not that simple. Your best chance for success will come from taking a measured approach towards personal development rather than attempting an overhaul right off the bat.

How to Stop Being Jealous: 6 Easy Ways to Eliminate Envy

How to stop being Jealous

How to stop being jealous? People flinch at the thought of asking that question out loud.

So, what is jealousy? Jealousy is an intense feeling of anger or displeasure because someone else has something that one wishes to have. It can be the result of a comparison between oneself and another, either in terms of what they have, or their success. Jealousy is also associated with feelings of sadness and insecurity over not having something that one may desire or feel entitled to.

We often feel envious of things that others have, but being jealous is not about what someone else has. It’s when we are in a place where our self-confidence and belief in ourselves go down the drain, causing us to feel inadequate and envious of others.

So what can we do about it? Here’s a few ways you can properly deal with the emotion.

Focus on You

Take a good look at yourself and your life. What makes you happy?

Focus on Gratitude

Be grateful for what you have instead of focusing on the things that other people seem to be getting more than you. Gratitude is contagious, so when you appreciate what’s in front of you it will inspire others around you to do the same.

Set a Goal

Focus on your own goals and dreams instead of dwelling on what others are achieving. If you do this, then it will be impossible to feel envious or inferior about anything because you’ll realize that there’s nothing lacking in the life that YOU want to create for yourself!

The more time we spend worrying about what others have, the less time we spend on appreciating all of the things that make us happy.

Stop Worrying About Others

Stop comparing yourself to other people and their lives! It’s impossible for everyone in this world to be better than each other at something or everything simultaneously. Focus on your own strengths (and weaknesses) instead of trying to be better than everyone else!

Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

Put yourself out there and be more social! Join groups and causes that have a positive impact on your community. This is an easy way to meet new people who are equally as passionate about the same things you are. So, they’ll likely be able to help you achieve your goals.

Jealousy is a complex emotion that we all experience, but it doesn’t have to get the better of us. Figuring out how to stop being jealous doesn’t have to be a mystery. Use the methods above to regain inner-focus, connect with the more positive aspects of yourself, and work towards self-improvement.

No Dates? Here’s Why No One Seems to Want You

No Dates

No dates this week, huh?

It can be lonely being single, but why is it so hard to find a date? You’re not that bad looking, you have a great personality, and you’re really nice! So what’s the problem? Well, maybe it’s because no one wants to date someone who doesn’t want them back. Or something. If this sounds like you, then read on for some tips on how to change your dating life around.

It Really IS Them, Not You

Remember, it’s not really about you. They want to date someone who makes them feel good, and not the other way around. If your self-worth is based on whether or not people like you, then no wonder why it’s so hard for you to find love! You must first learn how to love yourself before learning how to share that love with others.

You need to be as attractive on the inside as you are on the outside. Your character needs to shine through in everything that you do, from your appearance and hygiene all the way down to how well-mannered you are when speaking with someone else. Make people want what they can’t have by being an awesome person!

Sometimes, We Intimidate Others

You can’t change your physical appearance much, but you could try being more approachable. Be open to talking with people and smile! You don’t have to go up to everyone in a crowded room or at the supermarket (unless that’s something that makes you comfortable), but if someone seems like friendly company then give them a chance!

If you have already made changes to your life, then share how it’s working for you. People are always more likely to listen if they can see that it works!

It’s Tough Until It Gets Better

Being single sucks, right? Having no dates this weekend AGAIN sucks! It’s not just the fact that you can’t go out on a Friday night and enjoy yourself without getting weird looks from people who think you should be in bed alone scrolling through Netflix (although it does suck to miss out on all of those pizza deals).

And don’t get me started about how much time is wasted when your friends are talking about their relationships or family drama – do they even care if you’re there at this point? But why am I complaining so much? Well because being single sucks! did I mention it sucks? What can we do to make it easier for each other to find dates?! Share below what’s stopping YOU from dating someone awesome. Like myself. Wink 😉

7 Tinder Pickup Lines You Need to Stop Using NOW

Tinder Pickup Lines to Avoid Using

Tinder is a great app for meeting new people. It’s also the worst dating app out there, and Tinder pickup lines suck!

We all know that no one wants to be rejected, but these pickup lines are just plain rude! Check out this list of the most ridiculous things ever said on Tinder and make sure you never use these lines.

“If you were Google, I’d type “What is your best feature?” in the search bar and press enter.”

Ew! Why would anyone say that? That’s just plain creepy! And it doesn’t even make sense to boot. Don’t use this line on anyone ever again…or at all for that matter. It’s absolutely disgusting!

“Can we get married right now? We can plan the wedding later if you want ¯_(ツ)_/¯ ¯_(ツ)_/¯”

This isn’t cute or romantic by any means; it’s actually really dumb and will probably leave them confused AF.

“Do you have any raisins? No. Then how about a date? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯”

Raisins are gross, so this line is pretty awful too! It’s not funny or cute and will most likely get them to unsmile at best…or block your sorry butt at worst. Don’t use it ever again!

“I want to be the reason you scream “No” tonight.”

This is just plain creepy and will probably make them feel super uncomfortable, if not downright scared!

“Can I see a picture of your feet? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯”

No one wants their feet shown on Tinder unless they’re in some sort of pedicure ad or something like that…so don’t ask for it because you’ll look stupid and get blocked by everyone who sees this message. It’s also pretty gross since we all know what people do with their feet sometimes (ick). Just leave them out of your messages altogether; most people don’t like talking about them anyway!

“I want to kiss you like the alphabet starts with “K”. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯”

If this is your idea of a joke, it’s not funny or cute. It also doesn’t make sense and will probably leave them wondering how exactly you plan on kissing them that way. Don’t use it again!

“Do you have a bandaid?”

No…why would I need one though? This line makes no sense at all and won’t get you anywhere. In fact, you might get blocked immediately after they read your ridiculous pickup line! Just don’t ask for a bandaid if there isn’t already blood involved!

It’s Tough Out There

Dating is hard, and it’s even harder when you’re looking on Tinder, the worst dating app out there (in my opinion). You can’t always trust what people say, and they might not be who they seem. What are some of your worst experiences with Tinder pickup lines? Let’s share them below!

Is It Brutal Honesty or Just Brutal?

We view brutal honesty as the ultimate honesty.

We tell our loved ones we’re “keeping it real” before we proceed to eviscerate their life choices. Then, they get defensive and rail back on us for hurt feelings. We, in turn, claim we’re just “calling it like we see it.”

But is it all even necessary?

At what point does brutal honesty become just brutality? Are we lying to ourselves about what it means to honest with others? I have a few points to consider.

Are Your Beliefs the Absolute Truth?

It’s important to distinguish fact from opinion. Just because you believe something to be true, it doesn’t mean it’s reality. Let’s consider the phrase, “I just tell it like it is.” Exactly what is it? Think about what you believe the person’s problem is versus what they’ve actually told you.

For instance, I had an interaction with a friend recently. I told them I was having a bad day. They proceeded to say “Quit complaining and do something about your life. I don’t want to hear you moan and groan anymore until you do!”

I was actually at a point in my life where things were going exceptionally well. Most of my days went swimmingly. That particular day wasn’t going great. So, where did my friend get everything else from?

Turns out, they were basing their opinion on events that happened to me several years ago. They remembered when I was at a low point in my life and for some reason hadn’t caught up since. That goes back to belief versus facts. The fact was me saying I had a bad day. The belief was my friend thinking my life was in shambles and in need of fixing.

See the difference?

Are You Helping or Hurting?

Brutal honesty usually comes across as negative. I’ve personally never heard someone say, “I’m gonna be brutally honest with you. You’re an amazing, talented person.” Instead, I’ve heard, “I’m going to tell you something you might not like…” followed by an unnecessarily harsh monologue.

Think about it. Is negativity towards someone designed to help? Doesn’t positive reinforcement work better than tearing someone down just to “toughen them up?”

Is your intent to truly help someone or simply get something off your chest? How you say something is just as important as what you say. Do you ever offer praise or encouragement? If honesty is the goal, shouldn’t those aspects also be a focus?

Consider the Relationship Dynamic

Too often, brutal honesty occurs in a relationship that is unequal (or perceived that way). A high-level exec at a company may berate a lower-level employee. Afterwards, that exec might “flower it up” by calling it tough love. However, if the tables were turned, would this be acceptable? Probably not.

If a person perceives themselves to have it “more together” than someone else, they’ll usually feel comfortable giving that person advice. However, would the person who has it “together” be okay with the other person administering tough love? Probably not.

Butal honesty too often gets rooted in a need to feel superior while belittling others. Consider how you’d feel if someone you perceived to be “less than” gave you the same advice you give others.

Why Do You Need to be Unkind?

We live in the age of social media and its perceived cancel culture. Naturally there will be those who resist what they feel is censorship. In a time where facts often get discarded in favor of opinions, we also misconstrue what counts as honesty.

Truth doesn’t have to be unkind. It doesn’t have to hurt or demolish. So, why do some of us gravitate towards the brutality of it? The world is filled with cruel words, especially on social media. We, in turn, believe that we’re helping others by feeding into that negativity by giving our unfiltered opinions.

Except, it doesn’t have to work that way, especially with people we care about. Being able to tell the truth without hurting is a sign of emotional maturity and empathy. People have feelings, and they’re allowed to protect them.

How Do We Gain Emotional Maturity?

It starts with a sense of self. In my book, Life After Low Self-Esteem, I talk about the many methods I used to overcome self-doubt and low emotional intelligence. The good news? Anyone can overcome any of the items mentioned. Check it out, and let me know what you think!

What to Expect from Your First Therapy Session

Any therapy session can seem daunting. Opening up to a stranger feels like a monumental task, or even downright impossible. So, having a few misgivings about the first session is normal.

Still, your first therapy session doesn’t have to be frightening. In fact, with a little prep work, you can expect a positive experience. Let’s go over what to expect and how you can ready yourself beforehand.

How to Prepare

How do you prepare for a therapy session? The answer varies for everyone. We all have have different needs and expectations.

It helps to start by identifying your emotions. What are you feeling right now? Do you have any concerns about therapy? What do you feel consistently troubles you?

You don’t have to just focus on what’s “wrong.” Think about a goal you want to accomplish after you start therapy. Where do you want to be after, say, 5 sessions?

Keep a running list and read that list out loud to yourself. Tuck it away somewhere safe for you to reference later. You’ll be needing it.

Honesty & Establishing Needs

Here’s the thing. Therapy doesn’t work without honesty. And therapy is something that you’re going to have to work at. Many people hold onto the misconception that simply attending sessions leads to improvement.

I wish I could say it was that simple. Unfortunately, it’s not. There may be times where you have to dig up some uncomfortable stuff. And it will feel EXHAUSTING. That’s part of the process.

That’s why it’s important to communicate and establish boundaries with your therapist. Express what your triggers are as soon as possible. Your therapist will work to ensure you feel comfortable enough to open up to them.

What Questions Should I Ask?

It’s expected you’ll be curious as well as cautious. In fact, any therapist worth their salt expects plenty of questions and concerns.

You may hear words or phrases you don’t quite understand. Ask for clarity and don’t be afraid to speak up. Your therapist wants to help you. You shouldn’t feel intimidated or ignored.

Refer to the list I mentioned earlier and bring it with you if you’re worried you’ll forget any concerns you might have.

What Happens After Your Therapy Session?

Hard part’s over right? You made it through your first session! So, now what?

Now, it’s time to do a mental and emotional check-in. What are you feeling? HOW are you feeling? Identify your thoughts and emotions as clearly as possible.

Consider also how you felt about your therapist. Did you feel a connection? Do you feel like they were listening to your concerns? Not every therapist will be a good match, and that’s okay. You may end up trying out several before you find someone you feel comfortable with.

Develop a Strong Foundation

Many instances of depression or anxiety can be traced back to low self-worth. A positive outlook on life can be achieved through improving self-esteem. My book, Life After Low Self-Esteem, shows how that can be accomplished.

Remember. Therapy isn’t a quick-fix, and it doesn’t have to be terrifying. With preparation and patience, you’ll succeed.